So if you ask me about getting a second chance at something, you know I won’t even stress myself to think too far cause I know exactly what I would choose, see here's what do, so I would go back to my teenage years and re-walk some steps I took, and not because I was foolish or stubborn, but because a lot of things happened to me that I didn’t exactly choose, and honestly, those experiences didn’t just stay in the past, as in they followed me into adulthood like stubborn shadows.
Sometimes I sit down and think, “If only I knew better then,” or “If only I had someone who really understood me and guided me well,” maybe certain things wouldn’t have shaped me the way they did now, You know how people like to act like childhood and teenagehood don’t matter? My dear, they matter o, like a lot, That period is like wet cemen, and anything that touches it leaves a mark, and some of my marks were not exactly the ones I’m proud of and it wasn't by choice.
If I got a second chance, I would avoid certain situations with all my strength and might, I would protect myself better, I would speak up more, I would run from some people that life forced into my space, It is not even about regret, it’s more about the kind of freedom I imagine I would feel today if those experiences didn’t happen, sometimes you don’t realize how deeply something has affected you until you get older and you react in ways you can not explain, Suddenly you are wondering, “Why am I like this?” only to trace it back to one small moment years ago.
But life didn’t give me that option then, I just had to survive whatever came, even if my heart wasn’t ready, and now as an adult, I am doing the job of healing from things I didn’t choose, It is actually exhausting sometimes, but it is what it is, Healing isn’t a straight line, it is more like walking in circles until the circle finally becomes smaller.
Still, I can’t deny the truth, those experiences also built a strength in me that I never expected, I have this sharp intuition now, I can smell nonsense from a big distance, and i don’t play with my peace, and I don’t force myself into situations that don’t sit well with me, and nobody can also force into it, Maybe the fire I walked through made my skin thicker, but it also made my heart wiser.
So yes, if I ever got a second chance, I would go back and save that younger version of me, I would hold her hands and tell her she deserves better and that she is not supposed to manage pain just because it showed up first, I would teach her how to say no without shaking, how to walk away without guilt, how to choose herself without an apology.
But since life doesn’t give rewind buttons, the best I can do now is grow from it, heal from it, and promise myself not to let what happened then dictate the rest of my life, And honestly? That is also a kind of second chance, just not the type that comes with time travel.
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