Lord Percival felt very satisfied indeed..............
Madame Arly had been a skilled and willing bedfellow however the mission was now foremost in Lord Percival's mind.
Madame Arly was a notorious lush and Lord Percival had plied her with 2 gallons of Chardonnay to get her talking and reveal her knowledge.
It was only just enough!
She had revealed that a magical coin called the 'Owl of the Ragnarok' was required for the journey. The coin had originally been in the possession of the Greek Oracle of Delphi however it had been stolen by Loki whilst on a lads piss up to Ayia Napa centuries before and smuggled back to the magical land of Vikindinavia wrapped in a smoked herring.
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The coin was kept in a secret location that was allegedly known only to Loki and the identical twin sister of the Oracle AncientMystique, a woman called Lisbeth Kubber and known as .......... AncientReligique!
Fortunately for Lord Percival he was spared a meeting with Lisbeth Kubber. She was supportive of the mission however she wouldn't approve of his methods, he had feared he would have to pay a severe penance should they meet, a vow of chastity! Somethingthis writerLord Percival could never do.
As luck would have it Madame Arly had admitted to him she was aware of the location herself as she had met, drunk under the table and seduced Loki in a club in Copenhagen the previous Summer. Turns out Loki was a drunken sleep talker.
The Pious and chaste Lisbeth Kubber aka AncientReligique.
A cunning plan.
Lord Percival was aware that the Criminalians had sent two of their Warriors to twart his plans to seduce Madame Arly and had set forth a cunning plan to fool them. He had his Scottish cousin Lord McPercy the Drunken fly over to New Cowardonia on his horse 'Special Brew' to take his place for when Chooxena and 'The Blacksmith' arrived (to find out what terrible fate awaited Lord McPercy click here ). The foreknowledge was given to Lord Percival by Sir Scooterless the Treacherous, a Criminalian so corrupt he had sold out his countrymen for 3 bottles of Coopers ale and a cherry ripe.
Armed with this information Lord Percival left Madame Arly, the now comatose Baldrique and Sir Muxxy who had disgraced himself by getting himself involved in a sado-masochistic orgy with Madame Arly's stable boys and a bishop. Lord Percival could no longer look at Sir Muxxy after the things he'd seen him do and therefore decided to carry on alone.
Sir Muxxy's deviance was a step too far for Lord Percival.
Lord Percival mounted Tremendhorse and to the sound of Sir Muxxy's sobs flew into the morning sky. His journey was a to be long and dangerous one, for he was to penetrate the 'Castle of the FyrstikKing' and steal the 'Owl of the Ragnarok'.
Vikindinavia.
The air turned cold as Lord Percival flew north and he shivered in his armour as he crossed the border into Vikindinavia. He flew into the wilderness, across fjords and over frozen lakes. Suddenly in the distance he saw a magnificent structure come into view. There in front of him was the building he had come to penetrate.......
The Castle of the FyrstikKing.
Lord Percival stealthily crossed the lake to the castle aware that he may be being watched from the turrets. A plan to acquire the coin had formed in his mind and was confident of success. He planned to seduce Loki's latest girlfriend, the lovely but dangerous 'Crimsom Warrior'. Named for her for bright red hair and for being a death dealer.
Slipping through the Castle carefully Lord Percival made his way to the bedroom of the Crimson warrior. A peak around the door revealed an inviting bed chamber in which Sir Percival intended to spend the night earning the coin.
"Lord Percival I've been expecting you."
Lord Percival was shocked, he hadn't noticed the women in the corner of the room. He composed himself.
"Well Crimson Warrior I must say I'm surprised and delighted, the tapestries don't do you justice."
"Likewise my Lord." she continued.....
"I know why you're here Lord Percival and if I am to betray Loki you must live up to your reputation."
Lord Percival took a breath.
"I intend to but must leave with the 'Owl of Ragnarok' before sundown."
"You may have the coin but there is one caveat"
"Name it." said Lord Percival.
"You must take me with you on your quest, I will not be able stay here once Loki finds out" she continued. "I'm not just a smokin babe I'm a fierce warrior and will be a benefit to you in the hunt for Excalibur."
Lord Percival just smiled devilishly.
Then they sealed the deal..........
With the Owl of the Ragnorok safely tucked away in his codpiece Sir Percival with Crimson Warrior by his side left the Castle of the FyrstikKing, the magical coin was still a mystery to him however he'd been told that it's use would be revealed to him at a later date.
Riding away together on Tremendhorse they thought they'd got way clean however watching from the castle turrets Loki was seething.
"I swear to Fishcake the God of the Rollmops I will have my revenge." whispered Loki. "You will pay for this Lord Percival."
Lord Percival and Crimson warrior flew south to the rallying point unaware of the storm they had unleashed.........
Where is the rallying point?
Will Crimson Warrior last a full episode.
What revenge does Loki have in mind for Lord Percival?
All will be revealed in the next episode of STEEMLORDS!
Forget ye not, Excalibur will be mine!
I AM LORD PERCIVAL THE MAGNIFICENT.
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