If someone was to look back over my life, where would they see the most growth? - Abundance.Tribe's BiWeekly Question
The last year have been pretty full on for everyone, as we tried and continue to try and find our way, in this new reality that has been forced upon us. The world is undergoing a huge shift and with that shift, is the opportunity to bring about change. An opportunity to break away from this old system and create a new way in which we can live and interact with the earth. One that I hope, will be an harmonious one.
As I look back over the last few years, how my world got turned upside down, as I found my feet and my independence again. It's funny how interdependent you become in relationships, even when they are not working. You get used to having someone there, someone to share your life with, that the thought of going it alone, especially with 3 little ones,is quite a scary one.
My ex seemed to think that I always wanted to be a lone parent, but that was so far from the truth. I wanted nothing more, that to share this incredible journey with someone. To share in the wonder of seeing our girls blossom and grow, to share in their pain and the joy. To have a life companion, even if you never felt like, they really had your back!
True be told, I was scared to go it alone!
Until I had no choice but to,to face this fear, just as I was going through the pain of losing my sister. Finally surrendering to my emotions, giving into my fears and my pain and losing myself within it all. I hot rock bottom, whilst also trying to be there for my girls.
I felt pulled in many directions, trying so hard to deal with my anger and my grief at what was happening to me and my family and also trying to be there for my girls who where also trying to deal with theirs.
It was so hard to see my girls in pain, to witness them try and process what was happening in their lives. Something that they are still struggling with, two huge losses in the space of 6 months. I learnt so much about parenting, about how my girls are both resilient and yet so fragile. They see things for how they really are and they ask questions that many would be afraid to ask.
Always bringing me back, to the reality of my situation. To my life, that was falling apart in front of me, but upon surrendering, allowed me to build myself back up again. Learning to give into my pain, my grief, my anger. Allowing myself to really feel it all.
I had spend years, holding everything in, trying to just push through. To keep going, but this time I just let it all happen. The tears, the screaming and although I did not always do it, in front of my girls, I did encourage them to do the same. So we cried together and screamed together, learning all of the time about what it means to be alive and to be true to who you are!
And then last year happened, this plandemic, that finally showed us what the human world is really about. I have written before, about how I have long seen the many sides to the world we live in.
I am no stranger to the darkness that exists alongside the light. It has always been there in plain sight for me, I was never under any illusion, that lived in a world that was fair.
The earth, what happens naturally on the earth, that is fair. But most of humankind, has a long time now, moved away from anything that was natural. What we are seeing, is what many refused to see, how easy it has been to manipulate others, how we have been played.
And that can be a lot to take on, so difficult to swallow. That the world that you live on, has all be built on deception and greed. So many still refuse to acknowledge that, instead sticking their head in the sand, once again.
I can see now that what I went through just over two years ago and to be honest as a child, was all to prepare me for what is happening right now. Because I know what it is like to hit rock bottom, to see myself fall apart. But I also know hoe empowering it is, to rebuild who you are. To embrace the many sides that we hold within. To really tap into my power, so that I can be empowered now.
So I chose/choose to use my voice, to get together with others and create a better world for me and my girls. To finally take full responsibility for my life and explore the many ways in which me and my tribe can thrive, in a far more harmonious way with the earth.
So my growth, has been on many levels. But mostly, it has been in surrendering to life, to seeing this, as the wonderful opportunity it is and choosing to thrive as I choose sovereignty !