These last few weeks I have had the opportunity to take part is some really amazing healing sessions. First through Singing, then bodywork and dancing and today through Breathing. With everything that is going on and as a result of my recent illness, it has finally made me prioritize my own well being. Instead of just talking about it that is!
I write a lot about self care, mostly because I want to spread awareness and also to remind myself to be more proactive. But I would always make excuses, there was always too much to do and I would feel guilty if I didn't prioritize those things. I mean what single mama has the luxury of free time, time to spend on herself.
Because that was how I viewed it, as a luxury and not for what it is, a need! I got a fright when I got sick this time, because for weeks I just didn't seem to be bouncing back. Sure I was used to getting run down at times, but after a few days I would be okay.
But not this time, this time I just sunk into new levels of depletion and I saw myself begin to waste away. But luckily I had my friends who pushed me to see someone and who stepped in to take my girls so that I could actually have time just for me.
Last Friday my girls went for a sleep over with a really good friend of mine and I attended a 3hour body work session. Which started with me resting amongst friends, then slowly moving, until I was up and about throwing around all sorts of shapes.
Then we partnered up and done some mirroring and movement as one, as we each took turns with our eyes closed.
Then it was time to be a seed and be guided by my partner to grow and blossom. (I wrote a poem about this few days ago) This was one of my favourite exercises and I felt so supported, throughout. We danced some more and then ended with a massage, at which point I felt so blissful and was almost drooling onto the cushion. Damn it felt good to be looked after and held within a safe space.
Sometimes it is the simplest things, that have the greatest impact! This time, reminding me of the importance of touch.
I was on such a high when I left and then I got to have the whole truck all to myself and slept in, the next morning. I slept right through the night, the first time in years. I lay in bed, enjoying the silence for a while and then I went outside to say hello to the sun. It was really nice to do things at my own pace, eating when I wanted and blasting out the music that I love. Whilst spontaneously bursting into dance every now and again.
Then today, I got to do a breathing workshop that my friend held at her home. We spend two hours alternating between breathing and exhaling through our mouths and then just through our noses before reverting back to breathing normally.
I went through periods of being lightheaded, especially when breathing and exhaling through my mouth. I instinctively began to rock backwards and forwards, as I felt different parts of my body react as I began to release blocked up energy and emotions. It was easy to get lost in the motions and at one point I just cried and cried. Real loud sobs, with my tears making a small pool beneath me.
For almost 2 hours we continued this cycle, bringing awareness into our bodies and letting all the locked up emotions come out. I got very lightheaded and when we were asked to stand up, I felt so disorientated, drunk on my own breath, as I struggled for a while to get my balance. And then we bounced up and down as we came back to breathing in through our noses and out through our mouths.
I felt such a heavy load lift off my chest. At the beginning I experienced such a tightness in my neck and head as I struggled to let go. This internal struggle, of being a warrior and knowing when to let your shield down. When I did, that is when it all came out and I experienced pins and needles in my shoulders and legs and feet.
It was such an amazing experience and as we sat in a circle at the end of it, I exclaimed how I was now welcoming all of these wonderful opportunities to heal in to my life. Because if we are to move forward, if we are to create a better world, we first have to work on ourselves.
I am so excited for this new chapter, where I say yes to life and Yes to my healing journey. Where I finally, get to experience the strength we gain from putting ourselves first!