Whether it is a necessary root canal or the prospect of flying for the first time, our mind always seems to find a way to worry about seemingly mandatory, albeit unpleasant parts of life. After all, getting a root canal is good for you - certainly better than the alternative - and yet sometimes it feels impossible to fight off that pit in your stomach at the very thought of the pain and discomfort that will be associated with it.
Often we are told to just hope for the best and forget about it, or to focus on the positive, when we tell others we are riddled with worry over some upcoming experience. This doesn't work for obvious reasons. You can't tell your brain to stop thinking about something unpleasant about to happen to you - that just causes it to think about that experience even more, in an unproductive way.
This method of avoidance doesn't work because you know you are lying to yourself. You know that this experience will be unpleasant, and yet you try desperately to trick your brain into forgetting that or focusing on something else. Here is a hint to save you some time: your brain is just as smart as you are. Stop trying to trick it.
So how do we actually make the worry go away? By accepting the reality of the situation and preparing yourself for it, rather than ignoring it.
You shouldn't be trying to ignore an unpleasant experience, you should be preparing for it!
Whatever it is that is bothering you, immediately give up the notion that you can just hope for the best and forget about it. Instead, let's start to think about this experience intensely.
Allow me to return to the example of the root canal, one I am well versed in. Rather than trying to ignore the obvious unpleasant nature of the experience, what if I accept the experience for what it is and prepare myself for it?
This is going to hurt like hell, and probably will for a few days. Maybe even a week. I'll be in a ton of discomfort during the procedure, and quite frankly I don't even like being within 500 feet of a dentist office in the first place. Not to mention, last time I had a procedure done my dentist's breath was horrendous. I thought I might throw up, and became concerned I might choke on my own vomit because of the metal tool prying my mouth open.
But I'm going to come out of this. The pain will suck, and the experience will be uncomfortable, but it's something that millions of people every year suffer through and survive. They are perfectly fine. After the procedure has been completed and the pain has passed, I will return to my normal, boring life. I'm ready to tackle this head on. I'm prepared.
Anxiety and worry are the results of a lack of preparation.
We are least anxious about things we are well prepared for and most anxious about things we have done no preparation for. On one level we all know this, and yet we still try to employ ignorance as a coping method for worry.
Consider the case of delivering a speech to a large audience. Would you be more comfortable giving a speech you practiced 2 times or one you practiced 200 times?
We all know that the more you practice a speech, the more prepared you are to give it and in turn the less anxious you feel. If you want to stop worrying so much, you need to apply this logic to your entire approach to life.
The antidote to anxiety is preparation through visualization.
Approach every situation with the intention of recognizing what it really is and preparing yourself mentally for this reality. If it will most likely be pleasant, recognize this but still account for the possibility that it will be unpleasant. If it will most likely be unpleasant, account for this but acknowledge that it might not be as bad as you think.
Now visualize what the experience will be like. Try and replicate the sensations you will feel. Your goal is to prepare yourself for what is about to happen, not to sugar coat it or ignore reality. We are most hurt by those experiences in life that we are unprepared for, and we are only able to close the door on worry once we feel prepared for what lies ahead.
When you start to implement this process into your daily life, you will notice a fundamental change in how you view the world. The necessary, unpleasant experiences of life don't seem as much of a burden, and you will no longer suffer from the anxiety that accompanies them.
We allow ourselves to suffer by ignoring our problems, or just hoping for the best with no real desire to contemple and prepare ourselves for what comes next. Hope is not a strategy. When you approach reality with the intention of accepting it as it is and preparing accordingly, you will become immune to this form of self-inflicted suffering.
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This article is based around a sort of loose, modern interpretation of a cornerstone of Stoic philosophy called negative visualization. I have found great success using this practice in my life, and I think you will too.
If you enjoyed this article, check out Life is NOT Short and There Is Nothing Wrong With You or Anyone Else.