All of a sudden the clock is ticking…The timer that is counting the rest of my days. It ticks louder with every day, every hour that passes. I fight off the panic. What should I do with the infinitely precious time I have left?
Should I let myself drift into the comfortable numbness of just being, just absorbing. Meditating on the amazing wonder and beauty that is this best of all possible worlds.Or should I make a last ditch attempt to do something worthwhile with the unique skills I have been given but have never realized? And God how I wish I had realized! If I had money it would be easy and obvious. I would compile a bucket list:
- Sail the Pacific Ocean
- Fish for salmon in B.C
- Fly a biplane
I cant go on…it hurts!
It strikes me the one inescapable journey I do have before is that into a wheelchair. One of the few rock solid certainties of my life.All of a sudden, all that i have not done becomes horribly real. All those things I put off, waiting for the time to be right. All those chances I didn’t seize, all those doors I didn’t push. I made the mistake of thinking it would all come to me.
But I have today, for which I feel truly blessed. So many have so little. God, I am so lucky not to be in pain, not to be hungry, to be warm in my bed, and to be free of oppression and the threat of violence. And most of all I have the most wonderful loving caring people about me.
Wow…I have just written myself happy!
Thank you diary :-)
Duncan Cross, Isle of Wight, UK
Diagnosed with MND or ALS 10 December 2016
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