I'm learning, slowly. Each and everyday. I thank God for sanctification. I don't always remember to thank Him for that because sometimes the process is exhausting and I simply forget. But today, He reminded me why I need to thank Him.
Over the years, I have come to learn that the most important ministry God has given me is the ministry of Motherhood. I am raising 3 girls and my prayer is that they will grow up to know, love and serve Jesus.
To be completely transparent, it's an area in my life that I struggle with...often. I can share that honestly because I know that there are SO many parents that can relate. Sometimes life just bogs you down! Sometimes it's hard to see the blessings amongst the chaos that is life.
I have a 14, 7 and 4 year old. My 4 year old is still struggling with potty training. An up and down battle for the last couple of months - and just when I think she's got it down, she regresses. It's frustrating. There is no other word for it!
Yesterday, I had a bad day. I snapped over it all. Raised my voice, spoke out of turn and went to bed feeling like a big old pile of guilt and shame. I felt like a failure. I knew I could have done better. I knew my kids deserved better.
Today, I woke up and made a conscious choice to praise God. For the beauty of life; the birds were chirping. For the blessings of my family; the kids were happy and off to school. My husband, handsome as ever, off to work. For simply waking me up; thank You, Lord.
I settled in to do a morning devotional and this is where God hit me right in the feels....because I KNOW He was speaking to me. He was speaking to me on the very thing I pray about most - motherhood! The struggle, the heaviness, the guilt, the worry....all that comes with Motherhood.
I read a line in my devotional that said, “Do not declare something dead that God is still forming.”
You guys, never forget that God can meet you right where you're at.
This is when I started to cry. Like, ugly cry. I realized the way that I was speaking over my daughter yesterday, in frustration and anger over what felt like the 114th time of not making it to the potty....was awful. I wasn't speaking life. I was speaking to her like it would never get better. In fact, I declared that..."You're never going to figure this out, are you?" I mumbled as I changed her clothes....again.
Horrible. It came out of me and that's instantly how I felt. Horrible.
What God was saying through that very simple sentence in my morning devotional was profound in my life. My little girl is still forming. She's learning, just like me. If I haven't got it sorted out at 42, why should she at 4? He's still working on her, just like He's working on me. Rather than declaring the situation to be impossible, I should be declaring that ALL THINGS are possible through God! I should be speaking life to her; building her up, encouraging her, understanding that learning is difficult.
So I brought it to Him. Right there in that moment, through tear filled eyes, crying and praying over...potty training. Listen, that's how you can tell you're a Mom...when one of your biggest breakthroughs with God comes to you over potty training fiascos!
Thank You Jesus for Your grace. What more can I say? I cried. I asked for forgiveness. I understood in that moment that I was failing the ministry God gifted me by using those words.
So tonight, thanks to Gods infinite grace, I will hug my girls; I will choose to speak life over them. I will declare that even in the frustration of missing the potty and having accidents...that it's okay! Because God is still working on us. He's working through me and my temper. He's working through her and her ability to control her body.
My heart is overjoyed this morning with a new perspective. I love You so much, Jesus!