Part of the freedom to be who you are in a relationship includes how you choose to interact with others. This includes the freedom to be feel how you feel, be attracted to others and act or not act in a way that you see fit and agree upon with your partner.
The idea that one is NOT ALLOWED express affection or physical connection with others in order to remain loyal seems silly to me as someone who truly values freedom. Still I can appreciate where it comes from and respect the idea of fidelity so long as it comes from love rather than fear. Respect and trust is important, but demanding it through conditions is counterproductive. If we demand that others do not engage in any kind of intimacy with others, and allow them to demand the same, we may be hurting ourselves and our partner in the process.
Honesty is paramount, not only honesty with our partners, but honesty with ourselves. If we allow ourselves to be honest, we may find things we don’t want to deal with, but suppressing these desires will likely lead to more complicated conflicting desires. Acting on our desires does not always mean physically acting on them. Sometimes it simply means admitting them to ourselves. Sometimes it means admitting them to our partner. If two partners or a group of friends build a culture where such honesty is permitted, they will find it liberating and if they don’t let their egos get the best of them, they can use this honesty to build even deeper relationships with their partners.
You will often find that such a level of honesty will allow you to understand yourself and your partner better. Attraction is natural but a strong compulsion to act upon every desire may be indicative of some emotional baggage, some wounds that need healing. These wounds can not heal unless we acknowledge their symptoms.
In my own case, I find that my attraction to so many people is influenced by a feeling of rejection that I grew up focused upon. I have been able to translate this feeling of attraction into a healthy expression of wanting to bring others up and to create bonds of understanding, rather than the perversion it used to be. I no longer feel any compulsion to act upon all attraction that I feel, and freedom in my relationship has been an essential part of that growth.
I personally find the healthiest kinds of relationships to be “open relationships” which is never fully explored, an agreement that both parties are free to do what they want, but one where trust and mutual support is prioritized. Two partners can agree to speak about any deep desires to explore other relationships either physical or emotional before anyone pursues them and both can express a wariness about the other exploring these freedoms. So they are giving each other freedom but by expressing fully how neither are eager to see the other go out and play around, they discourage such behavior without forbidding it. Both partners can express that we probably will not act upon any desires unless those desires persist for a very long time, upon which they will first discuss them because they do not wish to compromise the relationship over impulses.
I talk about this kind of thing with my partner once every few months in order to confirm that we are both on the same page and know what’s going on with each other. We’ve admitted attraction to others and given each other freedom to explore that and neither of us has taken advantage of because so far, nothing has been worth putting our bond of trust at risk. It’s actually quite a nice set up. When someone gives you the freedom to sleep around but then doesn’t take that freedom themselves, you have a stronger desire to satisfy them in every way and protect that bond of trust at all costs.
It may not always be this simple, but I think as long as the relationship is truly valued by both people, there is a way to protect it while also acting of your own free will.
This is by no means a judgement on people who don’t have the same ideal for a relationship, merely something to think about and consider as an ideal worth striving for. We grow up immersed in our respective cultures and so this kind of relationship may be difficult for some to imagine, so for you this is merely a window to look into and understand another way of thinking about relationships.