*Continued story - links at the bottom
My house wasn’t a safe place, and I didn’t know that wasn’t normal.
By my early 20s we were living in a trailer park, he worked and he drank. I didn’t even have a driver's license. He was jealous, controlling and wanted me to stay home most of the time. I, on the other hand was convinced I could make him see the error of his ways. It was my mission to make him the man I thought he should be. This is not a good recipe for happiness. We had both grown-up in dysfunctional households, and our skill sets were limited when it came to conflict resolution, personal responsibility and even simple life skills. We fought, I attacked, he avoided. We tried.
I knew my life had gone off track. I wanted more, I wanted different. I didn’t know how. This will sound funny, but Oprah saved me. I was sitting on the floor one day, watching Oprah and playing with my daughter. Oprah’s show was focused on “Adult Children of Alcoholics”, and their addiction to chaos. A huge percentage of ACoAs either marry alcoholics or become alcoholic themselves. Many ACoAs, have financial difficulties, lack life skills, and create chaos whether or not they are alcoholic themselves. I experienced a paradigm shift during that hour. I had inherited a problem and it could be overcome.
Time for action, I had a name for why my life went off track, and I was going to fix it. I purchased every book I could find on the topic, I went to support meetings, I talked about it. Within two-weeks of watching that show, I had enrolled in a college course, I was involved in a support group and I felt different. I tried.
He was not impressed. He didn’t support the changes, he couldn’t stop me. From what I had learned already, I quit focusing on what he did. I understood I couldn’t change him. I focused on changing me. I focused all my energy on fixing me. I tried.
We knew we weren’t happy, and we decided to end our relationship. I moved out with my daughter and I got a job, I continued to read, and I decided to learn those life skills that I hadn’t learned. Some of the changes were instant, some of them I am still working on. However, I tried.
Soon life changed, I was back in school, I had new friends, people who were working on themselves, people who had goals and focus. Life changed. I began to let go of things that weren’t getting me where I wanted to go. I learned new things. I quit hiding and started living.
*pixabay
That day on the floor listening to Oprah was some 25 years-ago. In those years, I finished my degree, raised two healthy children, in a house that was safe. I learned the life skills I had been lacking. I learned to be happy, I gave up being angry at people and things.
Remember that little girl who never walked into a room without “reading” the mood? As an adult that turned into the ability to read people during meetings, interviews, and in all settings. Everyone has a talent, it tooks me years to understand my talent is people. Some people have sports or singing, music, writing, etc. I love people. I am interested in all people, and what makes them tick. When do they step up, when do they feel successful? I want to bring out the best in people, and I am pretty good at it.
A few years later I remarried and we have now been married for over 20-years, we raised five kids together in a blended family that worked. I am proud of all of our children. They are now adults and doing well.
During my 25 years in business, I excelled at identifying quality employees, understanding what their goals were and creating opportunities which would be mutually beneficial. I do not fear tough times, conflict and I know it is never too late to work on yourself. I helped start a company from scratch, which grew to a large publically traded company and now employees 5000 people.
*pixabay
My childhood left a few scars. I have struggled with anxiety my entire life, and I haven’t been able to completely shake it. However, they say broken bones heal stronger, and I think broken people heal stronger as well. My childhood also left me with many gifts that I am grateful for.
Today, I am so thankful for that quiet little girl who learned to survive by hiding. I am thankful for my parents who gave me the perfect childhood for me to be who I am today. My life isn’t perfect, but I am happy and content, and I am still trying. That is what I do. I try.
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I was touched by how many people related to the story of my childhood. I am going to do one final post in this series regarding the books, tools and other ways I mended my broken childhood.
Part 1
https://steemit.com/life/@whatsup/i-grew-up-with-alcoholics-i-tried
Part 2
https://steemit.com/life/@whatsup/i-married-an-alcoholic-i-tried
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