I’ve just come back from a long business trip, and my boyfriend was part of the team, so I actually enjoyed it a lot. But after about a week, I collapsed and got really sick. It’s been a horrible situation because I need to finalize everything before the end of the month, but my body just can’t keep up.
For the past few weeks, I’ve mostly been lying down, feeling frustrated with myself for being sick and unproductive. I’ve only been able to use about 30% of my energy to work from home and coordinate with people. I’ve realized that I’m not someone who can rest for a long time. I’ve always been like this. When I’m not working, I feel uncomfortable, like I’m not giving my full effort.
At the same time, I’ve noticed that I’ve become more emotionally dependent on my boyfriend. When he needs time to rest after a long week, and I’m left with more free time because I’m recovering, I tend to overthink when he’s unavailable.
At first, I tried to focus on recovery, but after three days, I decided to go back to the office. We had a schedule to move into a new office, and there was a lot to pack. I felt like I could finally contribute again, so I pushed myself to work hard all day. But by the night, my condition got worse.
My boyfriend got upset with me because I wasn’t listening to my body and wasn’t taking my recovery seriously. After that, I had to go back to fully resting again, and it really sucks. I’ve been feeling more anxious and like I’m not doing enough.
That’s when I realized it’s been a long time since I’ve truly allowed myself to rest and reset. I used to think that as long as I could go out and stay active, it meant I was healed, but now I see that’s not what real rest or healing looks like.
Pushing myself to do everything at once has only made me more stressed. Even last night, I stayed up until 4 a.m., which didn’t help at all.
Now it’s Sunday, and I understand that my boyfriend has his limits too. He told me he needs to rest and wants some time for himself. That’s what made me sit down and write all of this.
Lesson learned: I need to be more mindful about where I put my energy, not just focusing on achieving my goals, but also taking the time to understand my feelings more deeply. I’m starting to realize that I don’t always have to push for more or try to do everything on time. Sometimes, it’s enough to complete one or two meaningful tasks and call it a day. That, too, is progress.