An explosion happens. Too much loaded up pressure in my knee. The ski binding's set on an ungodly tightness -finally release.

Continuing from: The Inner Journey of Injury and the Road to Recovery

In re-reading the above quote, I serendipitously zoomed in on the point of, "ungodly tightness."

Ungodly Tightness

These two words together are sparking some self-reflection for me;

When I think of God - any God for that matter - This tightness that I describe as 'ungodly' is in regards to what I know and understand about physical well being. Specifically in regards to the experiences of "stiff", "stubborn", "tight", "restricted", "constrained", "restrained"

To be more specific about it....To articulate a reflection in another way,

This "Ungodly Tightness", means to me a crushing and squeezing like experience. The complete opposite of "release" and "letting go". This ungodly tightness is a Strong Hold - a HODL. It's unnatural in a way because there's no real need to always hold ourselves in a squeeze. It's like being under a constant state of pressure and strain.

I find my attitude and relationship within skiing to be reflective and very well indicative of deeper relationships within myself as how I've been caring for myself.

This is a somewhat uncomfortable truth.

Recognizing I've been very unforgiving to myself. Specifically, to the point of pushing and pressing on my points of pain...so much so that I would create an overload of intensity...of buildup that is like a dam that can't hold the water anymore...but then I find a way to compress it further.

Playing around with my vulnerability and opening up,

I am able to see and recocgnize that the way I've existed throughout most of my life has been somewhat cold in regards to expressing my thoughts/feelings/emotions and reflecting upon them - not just burying them but going deep into the roots of the uncomfortable bits that are even kind of traumatic to look at. The things about me that are less than highlight worthy.

I've heard from multiple different sources that the knee's are symbolic of the Ego. Right knee is more to do with the Male side of Ego and the left knee is to do more with the female side of ego.

The male ego is a huge point. It's something I've been deconstructing for some time now. It's wild to see how much I conditioned myself as Male Ego, rather unconsciously programming myself without any real responsibility or accountability for what I was accepting and allowing for myself. It's kind of crazy to recognize how easily susceptible to influence/programming we humans are.

In the next post I will continue with my reflections, realizations and what happened Next. I've just had the experience of my leg exploding at the knee. Is there anyone around to help me? I'm skiing kind of out of bounds. It's getting late in the day.