The public discourse surrounding the #metoo movement is an awesome step forward in women’s rights and the ability to stand up speak about abuses and harassment. But with any movement forward, there is a public discourse that must be had. Since Harvey, and all the rape-y, potted plant jizzing crap that guy was outed for, the level of assault and harassment seemed to taper off which each new allegation. We had Kevin Spacey grabbing ass and saying shit on set, and Louis C.K. pulling his dick out in his hotel rooms in front of female comics that, while not restrained, felt prevented from leaving.
Then we had James Franco being accused of coercing women to blow him in his car (which some women responded to with, “hey, he’s hot, I probably would have blown him too.)
So the issue is complicated, but no more so than the blog posted with regards to a date gone shitty with Aziz Ansari. They went on a date, they went back to his place, the started to fool around. And then she got uncomfortable. And then she stayed, and they started to make out, and some handy/mouthy stuff happened and then again she felt uncomfortable, pulled the e-brake and left. When he texted her the next day to say he had a great time, she responded that the night was not great for her and that she felt he crossed the line.
And then all hell broke loose. People coming to Aziz’s defense, and people calling for his head. It’s worth noting that not only did Ansari produce, write and star in a show called MASTER OF NONE that took an in-depth look at love in the modern era, he actually researched for a year for a book he co-wrote called “Modern Romance” where he goes through every facet of the every more horrible dating scene that we live in nowadays. He explores old people fucking, arranged marriage, sexting, texting, dating apps, and bar pickups. He’s a sensitive, caring feminist that also happens to be an awkward short comedian.
But with all the sympathy I have for him (and the relating I can do to him bringing a girl back to his place, and then having her leave before the sex) it’s always felt weird to publicly defend him. Every single time I’ve been in a conversation where it came up, I felt like just some jock saying claiming the girl had it coming, or some asshole defense attorney claiming if she dressed that way she was asking for it.
The #metoo movement isn’t about me. Or you, if the you I’m pointing at is some guy who just HAPPENS to never have raped or assaulted somebody. We’re all guilty of making some girl feel uncomfortable at some point even with our best intentions, and we need to let the discourse happen in as open an listening of an environment as possible.
Or am I wrong? Is it ok to stand up and say that girl was not abused in anyway, bad dates are just bad dates sometimes, and if a guy can’t take a swing and strike out with a girl, or a sexual encounter then what the hell is he supposed to do?
You tell me. Love to hear your thoughts below.
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