Is there a formula for when you know by yourself whether you have come to a safe haven and have found the one to live with the rest of his life? There is probably not a manual, but there are suggestions on how to care for your relationship, so it will be long-term.
Sexologist explains:
Marriage research has shown that relationships that last for many years are not really relationships where the parties are less or less scared, as many may mistakenly believe. On the other hand, the parties are harassed differently. And the couple also achieve a higher degree of reconciliation after a paralysis than other couples.
"It would thus say that the parties in a long-term relationship can be as disagreeable as other couples, but they may just have easier to get through the quarrels. Thus, the researchers conclude that it is about the ways of these people to communicate.
Never mind!
According to Jesper Bay-Hansen, it is about accepting each other's differences. Today, many people are hard at accepting these differences.
"There is a difference between our quarrels, and sometimes we are easier to laugh at disagreements and then move on. Other times it may be harder. It's often about getting better to say goodbye!
"I usually tell people that what if you had a pet that was going to go to bed somewhere in the living room, you just wanna piss me on it - it can be wiped away . We are quick to forgive our pets, while we are completely skewed if the girlfriend has forgotten to buy a liter of milk at home.
- But you can try to make a thought experiment: Imagine how you'll do it in a year if you look back at the conflict you and your partner have now, how much do you think so will fill your consciousness in a year? Most people say that it will probably not fill up so much.
-Ok and what about 10 years how much will it fill - I've probably forgotten that, most say. Ok how much would you like to allow it to fill your life right now? And how much is it allowed to ruin for you and your partner now?
A positive learning!
-It is a very good exercise to do once in a while. I think that many people give such kind of conflicts so much focus and negative attention because we are generally inclined to give the negative to much space in our lives. We also remember the negative clearly better than the positive.
- Some scientists explain that it is because we are people from nature's hand coded to remember that the poisonous berries are the dangerous berries, and the dangerous animals, I'll keep them from them, or I'll be eaten ... etc. The researchers explain that it is because we need to learn from them to be able to survive. But in our modern society today, when it's not about survival, the negative suddenly gets too much space.
According to Jesper Bay-Hansen, it is also about acceptance of each other's differences. Today, many people are hard at accepting these differences. And when we find it hard to accept that one's partner is different from one's self, many try to make the partner. It's usually a pretty hopeless project.