Happy weekend to the wonderful LOH community. I feel great to be writing with you again, and for this week, I will be answering the first question proposed by
You are at a party and someone is saying derogatory remarks(or negative things) about you. How would you deal with it, or what would you do?
Usually, I am not much of a party person. In fact, I am more of a homebody, meaning I would rather spend my time at home and find ways to create my own fun. Over the years, I have become more comfortable with this way of living to the point where I now find it convenient to stay in at all times. Even when I go out, instead of eating at a restaurant, I prefer to order takeout and bring it home or convince whoever I am with to do the same.
There have also been a few occasions where I accepted invitations to parties, and I can boldly say that such events are never free from negative remarks, especially those directed at women. One of my earliest experiences with this was at an Afro disco party a few years ago. While I had stepped away from the dancing crowd to get drinks from a food truck, a group of older guys approached some young ladies placing an order and tried to engage them.
Unfortunately for them, they were turned down. They were persistent with their advances, but the ladies were not receptive. Instead, they got their drinks and returned to the crowd, while the men responded with derogatory statements. They called them offensive names, body shamed them, and implied that they would not be at the party if they did not want attention from men.
To those men, the party was an opportunity for them to display their lack of boundaries and disrespect for women. It was a distasteful experience, and I wondered why the women remained silent. However, my current reflection on this subject has made me realize that silence may have been the wisest choice at the time.
Personally, when I'm faced with situations where I am unsure whether a comment is intentionally derogatory or not, I would ask for clarification and try to understand the person’s intent. If possible and necessary, I would try correcting them. But in a situation like this, where the intent is clearly to disrespect, I would not approach it subtly.
I am someone who has observed certain re-occuring patterns in such situations, and I understand how they can escalate to intense bullying if one appears intimidated. So, my approach would be to speak up and address that ill behavior immediately. I would express my displeasure with the derogatory remarks and make it clear that I do not entertain such behavior around me. I would also remind them that no one is entitled to another person’s attention or time and that respectful individuals do not cross personal boundaries or behave in an inappropriate way.
I would confidently warn them not to speak about me in any derogatory manner again, and even after that, I'll ensure to report the incident to the security personnels who are usually responsible for safeguarding events. After that, I would disengage from that spot and move to a different area of the venue to avoid further interaction that could result to chaos.
I believe choosing not to respond with insults would prove that I am not internalizing their poor behavior. Their actions are a reflection of their own character, not mine. Knowing that it does not affect my self-worth or the values I hold true to myself makes all the difference. From this point, all I would do, is ensure I remain with trusted company and stay aware of my surroundings. In a case where the interaction feels aggressive from the start, I would prioritize silence and involve the security to handle it.
I attend events to enjoy myself, not to engage in unnecessary conflict or expel my energy for irrelevant causes. So, my focus would remain on having a splendid time, and I encourage everyone reading this not to internalize negative opinions, especially in spaces meant for relaxation and enjoyment.
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