Up and down the life goes - can you find your motivation?

I hate being sick during the summer, and yes it still summer. As for the calendar, we have two more days of it but when I look at the temperature, yeah, it is most definitely summer. I was in bed for the last couple of days and putting whatever I can find in my body to boost my immune system. Once, I sneezed 30 times in a row, 30! Now I am better. Better-ish at least and I have a problem (again) with motivating myself to do anything. I feel tired. Of what? Life, I feel tired of life. It happens sometimes. Up and down the life goes. People say that is normal. Is it?

I am sick and tired of being sick and tired. This mood does not last long (luckily) when it comes but it is exhausting. I just want to sleep and everything seems like a colossal problem. Unwashed dishes are the end of the world and steemit being down is the proof that Universe hates me because why else would the thing fail on me at the moment when I desperately needed to take the money out? Why else am I waiting for people to respond to an e-mail I have sent 6 months ago and why else the F-ing Murphy's law kicks in when I least expect it? The Universe hates me... I just want to sleep...

For the last couple of years, I have been a go-to guy when someone has a problem, a happy fairy that is always there for everyone with some good advice, motivation, and wisdom. I love being that person. I love helping people find their inner strength and push over every obstacle. Why is it so hard to follow my own advice? Am I a hypocrite? Why am I able to help others but not myself? Because I do not need help.

I am tired. Sooooo tired. Of everything... Why do I refuse to do numerous things I usually advise others to do? Because I am tired. I am too tired to even try to be better. Stupid. I know. But it is as it is. Recognizing you have a problem is the first step in solving the problem, right? My problem is the lack of motivation, always has been. It is like this little monster inside me somehow escapes its cage a couple of times a year and I have to fight with it and lock it back up again. It never lasts more than a week or two, sometimes even just a couple of days but it is a struggle all right, a big struggle. It is the time when even the tiniest problems look like mountains and self-pity comes knocking at the door. Incompetence seems like the proper word to use here, a proper feeling. It is not sadness, it is not anger, frustration or despair. Incompetence is what I am beating myself over with. Incompetence and delusions, so many delusions. I do not need help. People will think less of me if I need help. I am not capable of receiving help. Everyone is normal, I am the only one who is not normal and therefore what works for them will not work for me. Sound familiar?

Comparing yourself with others never works. No matter what your problem is, it is the biggest one in the world, to you. People who have problems with people think that is the worst, those that struggle with family, job, losing weight, whatever, believe it is terrible and so on. Some girl brakes a nail and it is a catastrophe. Trust me, to her, it really is. We often make a mistake by undermining those problems that are not ours. It is easy to look at everything as easy and only our life as hard. So what is the first advice that I give others and accept for my self? Acceptance. Accept yourself for who you are, where you are and how you are.

The first thing that I accept is acceptance. It is ok not to be ok. Nothing lasts forever and neither will this. Whatever you are going through, it will pass. Yes, you should try to be better, positive, optimistic and have your smile on but when that is not possible, it is ok too. You are ok even when you are not ok. Accept where you are and feel it.

So what did I do? I accepted that I was tired and sick and sick and tired. I slept and binge-watched some shows. I cried and I eat, I slept and I cried some more. I accepted that I was not ok and stayed in that state for some time. I accepted that just like all the problems I had before that went away, these will go away too. Sooner or later, everything changes. Life goes up and it goes down. Then it goes up again.

It doesnt even matter what happened. For the sake of the argument, let's say I broke a nail. People brake nails all the time and they get over it. This is not the first time I broke a nail, it happened before and I got over it. My nail will grow back and everything will be fine. In the meantime, I could either fuss about it being broken or try and help it grow back. There are things that help nails grow back faster, right? Sure there are. I will do that. I will help it grow back.

Every situation is a learning opportunity. That sucks because there are situations that suck. Life sometimes gives you really crappy gifts and there is no return policy. You can not exchange them for something better but you can try and use them as best as you can. My way of dealing with those things is trying to find humor in every situation and focus on the good things. This too shall pass and it could have been worse. It can always be worse. I could have broken two nails, right? It could also be better and it will be. It always gets better, we just need to push through and wait for that rainbow after the rain. Be a little better today than you were yesterday is the only thing you can do. I am a little better today than I was yesterday and I will be a little better tomorrow than I am today. Up and down the life goes...