This is the situation i am in Now, I think i'm in love with another man. we've only just became friends, and this is not just a regular post for me as i'd love your advice to my current situation.
Probably not the best week ever, but one of the best so far anyways. He's made me doubt even my own standard policies, I try to seek reasons to justify why whatever this is - whatever we are to each other is happening. No reason. Am I feeling guilty? No. Is this right? No, but funny how I don’t care. Why did it start? How did I let it happen? But it happened so naturally, like he said, we really bonded so naturally. I'm glad it did, but its strange and impossible because we both belong to someone else.
At times I find myself rereading our social media conversations. Makes me smile every time, his annoying sense of humour, the way his mind captivates me, his caring nature and the weird faces he makes when he is shy around me, my common sense is trying to tell me to slow down the pace, what if he is just doing it to get to fuck me? What if he is really just very good at playing games? What if's just keeps popping up in my head, but stupid me don already go fall, big time. need I add, he's not a typical 'Zhy's spec'. Certainly not the kind of guy I'd have fallen for - but I did and the feeling is weird.
I find myself wondering if I should call him or not? will it make me look hopeless? when I'm going to see him, should I wear this or that? will it make me look less or more attractive? But the best part of it is, I feel myself every time I'm around him, like I do not need to be fake, I do not need to make any extra effort to impress him and its really kinda amazing.
Well, he travelled yesterday, and should I be honest about my feelings, I barely slept last night, partly because I miss him and couldn't stop thinking about him, about lying next to him and him cuddling me, about getting jealous when he talks to me about his girlfriend but still I try to give him the best advice I can think of, about always being happy to be around him, and then partly because I was thinking, I wasn't sure of myself anymore, I was worried, I do not want to be greedy.
And then I need to ask, is it wicked of me to be happy that his relationship isn't really going well? I know its not nice, it is selfish even, but somewhere in me, I really am happy when he has a complain about the current state of his relationship, and on the other hand, I really want him to be happy so it becomes really sad when I think about the stress the strain in his relationship could be giving him, then I find myself praying things get better or him in the relationship, but I mostly pray the former is the case, which is wrong because I wouldn’t want that to be the case for my relationship.
I don't think I'd survive if I lost my current relationship, I'd die even - maybe, he'll be back tomorrow, should I avoid him?, which would be hard for me to do, or should I just go with the flow and just see where that would lead to? I pray it gets better, I pray I find my way out of this chaos, but I pray I find it in the perfect of happy endings cause I wouldn't want to end up in regrets. I'd post follow ups to this situation from time to time, but for now, Please do not insult me, just advice me where you can, what do I do?