There are many things which I used to do in daily life even though I didn’t know why I was doing it. I never thought about it that deeply like why am I even doing these stuffs? I remember that I often could not say "No" to people, and I always said "yes" to everyone, otherwise I would feel guilty for the rest of the day.
Other times, I had constant fear of doing something which could bring an insult to my family or disappoint them. Not only family but also friends or even the society. Like there was some sort of pride that I had to carry for everyone else.
To be honest, I never liked this feeling. I hated the feeling of fear, I questioned myself "Why do I have to fear anyone? Why can't I be fearless?" I always had these questions in my mind but never took any steps for it. The thoughts only remained within myself.
I think this is one kind of pressure and it is taught since childhood that we should be good to everyone and stay silent because we have the play the good kid role. Otherwise if someone goes the opposite way they will be considered as a bad person or a bad kid who doesn't listen to anyone.
I never wanted to be considered as a bad kid or a bad person, I desired to be in the good books of everyone. This is something came into my mind because my mom taught me to be like this. She wanted me to follow her ethics, her lifestyle, maintain everything like her, talk like her, do good things like her. And doing good things meant never speaking up in-front of an elderly even if I'm right and they are wrong. Or I have to sacrifice as I'm older so I should be good to my younger ones.
This constant pressure of being a good person lead me to say "Yes" to everything even though I didn’t want it truly. But if we stop for a moment and try to figure out that which activities are done from pressure and which are done from our own choice then it becomes clear that what is truly urgent or important to us.
This is my personal experience and I have changed a lot in these past few years. Before I used to spend my energy trying to make everyone happy. I never wanted to disappoint anyone even though it would not bring me peace of mind. If someone asked for momey, I would immediately give it to them.
Even when I was tired or busy if someone made a plan and invited me in the last moment I couldn't deny. So, the fear in my mind wouldn't go away like if I say "No" then people will start to see me as a bad person. For that reason, I often ignored what I really wanted for myself. And what did I gain? Nothing. I could only feel stress and exhaustion.
One day, I sat by myself and thought about it thoroughly. I asked myself "What I was doing, was it worth it?" And after thinking deeply with facts, I realized the things I was doing was because I did not wish to ruin my good girl image because my mom would be dissapointed in me.
That small self-reflection changed my mindset a lot. Then I changed my way of thinking that my attention was actually important where I truly wanted to invest my time. So before, whenever it felt important was because of the guilt or pressure.
For example, I used to spend hours replying online messages, I did not even know them but I felt they might see me as an arrogant person if I don't reply. Also, I ended up joining activities that did not help my growth. On the other hand, I delayed important things which would help with improving my skills and never had the time to spend with my family.
And the day I became self-aware I started making conscious choices. So, I thought if today I don't set boundaries then I might get stuck in an endless loop. Gradually, as time passed I took small steps and started to prioritize myself. It took me long time to change because I was in practice of saying "Yes" to everyone for years.
But I do not support the idea of not caring for the people we love. It's not the correct way because our loved ones could get hurt. All I'm saying is that no one should be allowed to take us for granted and we need to care for ourselves too. Because if we keep saying "Yes" then people could get the chance to exploit us.
I personally believe if we have self-awareness then it could bring balance into life. We should stop trying to satisfy others instead we should start living for ourselves. We must prioritise ourselves otherwise none else will. Therefore, we need to create a balance because it is very important to live a peaceful life.
The images are created with Gemini and edited with Canva