I stared at the beautiful house my husband had built for us, how empty and quiet it still was. I remember how everyone encouraged me to enjoy the quietness. “Sophia, enjoy the quietness before the chaos begins”. They all said.
I enjoyed it for years but now I hate it, I hated it so much that I just wanted to run away from the house.
This house was a reminder of my inability to bring a child to this world and it breaks my heart every single day. The house was fully furnished with everything but it lacked the laughter, giggles, and cries of children. Our little ones running around, breaking things, ruining the perfect paint and me scolding them for misbehaving. Yes, that was the life I envisaged the moment I said yes to my husband not the emptiness of this big house that greets me every day.
Taking deep breaths, I try to shrug off the painful thoughts, just like my therapist had told me. As much as it hurts, I have resigned myself to my fate, not every woman was born to be a mother and that was fine by me.
Walking away from the living room, I made my way to the kitchen to prepare dinner. Dayo, my husband would be back from his business trip, and the last thing I wanted was for him to be hungry and tired.
I turned on the speaker in the living room, and I increased the volume to the highest as I danced to Happy by Pharrell Williams.
The Happy song always does the trick for me. How I move from humming the song to dancing excitedly amuses me.
While dancing and enjoying the music I went into full chef mode, cooking all of my husband’s favourite dishes. A concert and a cooking session were going on in my kitchen and I didn’t have to pay a dime to attend.
In no time, I was done and I appreciated the music and the dishes I prepared for the beautiful distraction but I guess it was too soon to conclude.
Picking up my phone, I went straight to my business Instagram page. I wanted to post and reply to messages, but my excitement was short-lived as I stumbled on a picture on my feed.
Standing pretty in a red ball gown, dazzling from head to toe and with a tiara on her head was my goddaughter. She looked so beautiful as the princess that she is.
On the next slide of the post was an invitation to her 7th birthday party. Yes, I remembered. It had been 7 years since Clara was born and her parents wanted to throw a big party.
In a split second, I was back to square one, sobbing and shaking. All the excitement from earlier vanished into thin air.
Holding my stomach firmly, I wailed, and I called upon God just like always. I shook my head in utter disbelief at how 8years had gone by, and I was yet to be a mother.
I was invited to so many children’s parties as most of my friends and family members were mothers already. I had so many godchildren but no biological child in sight.
“God why?!” I screamed.
“Where did I ever go wrong?” With no reply like always and with no one to console me, I cried my eyes out until it was difficult to breathe and move. Soaked in tears and on the floor of my living room I slept, just like always.
I don’t know how many hours had passed since I had slept off but I was awakened by the sound of my phone.
Bringing myself up to look for where I had thrown the phone away amidst the chaos, I saw it a few meters away.
I was too tired to move and my head was banging nonstop but I had to check who the message was from.
Wincing in pain, I reached out to my phone and went straight to my inbox.
I saw my husband's text message:
Babe, God has done it. I got the contract and the signing bonus alone is enough to start the IVF treatment. I'm about to board my flight now, see you soon. I love you.
I stared at the message again, worried it was all a dream and everything was going to disappear, but no, it was real!
My husband and I had spent months saving and saving for the IVF treatment which cost a fortune, but now this fortune was a bonus? I gasped in utter disbelief, my eyes widened as I read the message again.
This was the best news ever. A ray of hope for my family. My heart was filled with so much joy, and I said a little prayer to God to perfect the treatment.
Grinning from ear to ear, I went to the kitchen to eat, so much for crying.