In a society where it is apparent that everything is doomed, the capitalistic needs of men are at their peak. Leena feels the need to reinvent herself. She feels that everything can be achievable for her if she just works for it. Everything around her seems stable. Her parents are educated. Yet she lives in fear that everything is in decline.
For her, education is merely an idea. Degrees are useless. Her parents want her to be a doctor. Leena is okay with it as long as she also gets to do what she wants.
She lives in another city and studies for her entrance exam. The city fascinates her. It is her first time living alone and witnessing misery. After studying, she goes for long walks.
“I’m good at learning things, but I feel bored as there is nothing exciting.”
She appears for her exams but could not get into the colleges. She feels burdened by her parents wanting to pay for colleges so she can become a doctor. All of her classmates move on and get into colleges.
“Just go, we’ll pay for it,” she keeps hearing.
“I don’t want to burden you,” she says every time. “Just focus more on my other siblings. I can handle myself.”
The idea of paying and selling land to study makes no sense to her.
In her mind, too many people are forced into becoming doctors, and this will eventually catch up to them. “It seems respectful, but at the cost of everything,” she thinks.
“There is some part of us that thinks you didn’t push hard enough in clearing the exams,” she is reminded multiple times.
Leena gets frustrated and wants to leave. For her, it feels like the right decision.
Leena believes she can do anything. She goes to whatever college she can find. She is fascinated by life and finds herself choosing to be a psychologist. Her parents are devastated and do not want to help much. She receives very little financial support.
“My parents think they can control me with my expenses,” she thinks.
She lives frugally but learns various skills.
“I’ll just live on my own. I don’t need anyone,” she tells herself. She starts making money as a student. There is hatred in her for people who force her to choose a safer path.
“The era has changed,” she says. “Soon there will be no jobs. Creating will be the thing to do.”
She survives. She earns. She lives on her own. That was always the plan. The plan worked.
After losing contact with her family, she decides to visit them.
“I’m not sure,” she thinks. “They wouldn’t appreciate me, even if I won a gold medal.”
When she reaches home, her mother is shocked to see her and cries instantly.
“You didn’t need to make this so much harder. You were such an exceptional kid.”
“Mother always reminds us how Leena achieved everything alone,” her brother adds.
Leena listens to all of this. Deeply emotional, she cries in front of everyone.
She had put up a front of being self-reliant, but at home, Leena is still a young girl.
“How does Leena survive in a city all alone?” her brother chimes in. “Everyone asks me, being a girl and all that.”
“I just exude a menacing aura,” Leena replies. “What can I say?”
Everyone chuckles.
“There was no reason for me to make this so much harder,” she gasps. “Is this the cost of wanting?”
“I evaluated these things as a burden on my family, and studying felt useless to me,” she cries.
Her peers are getting jobs even when there is no demand. Their success makes her realize one thing: her desire to do something by herself was just a need to be unique.
Even though there is no demand, there are many economic factors to consider. Some core principles that work in international markets can be negated in other regions.
Leena once felt she could do anything and make good decisions. Perhaps this was a step she needed to learn.
“There is comfort, but I am stuck with my decisions,” she realizes.
Leena starts questioning the value of her choices, wondering if her rebellion was just another form of foolishness.
“Perhaps being a fool was never my choice. Perhaps it is all I am allowed to be.”
She did not escape. She only chose a harder route inside the same structure.
And slowly, she understands what a fool is.
Not someone who does not think. Not someone who fails.
