One day many many years ago, about January 5th 2005, this kitty came into my life. I had literally watched her being born and she was the last of the litter. She’s been in my life since that moment and I in hers. Today, I was with her while she passed from this world; August 10th, 2018. For 13.5 years we’ve been together.
She had gotten sick recently and the doctor didn’t like how she was doing, so yesterday I picked up our last chance of medicine for her with an IV drip as she seemed to be a bit more vibrant than the day before and she seemed to calm down with the liquids. She slept a lot today and meowed at me although she couldn’t seem to make her back legs work. I had hoped she was getting better. I thought the sleeping was doing her good, less breathing issues. But later today she started growling a bit. I was nearby and went to her, spoke with her, stroked her. She looked at me and I gently moved her away from the end of the large cage she was in (since she couldn’t make it to the litter box) as she was pushing up against some of it. I moved her gently and petted her. She laid there. Then she got a little quieter and I noticed her front and back legs were twitching. I stroked her, talking with her calmly. Then she was still. I patted her to try and shock her a bit, thinking maybe she needed to catch her breath and I waited. She jerked a bit, like a few deep inhales in and out, spaced out. I thought she was having trouble breathing, but it was just a body response, and she was probably already gone by that time. I looked into her eyes and they didn’t respond. She was limp. She wasn’t breathing either. I found out later it was a seizure. She never came back from it.
It hurts. My heart hurts. Where did you go?!
I wept. I held her in my arms afterward and told her how much I loved her. A little while after I put her in the bottom of her carrier with a towel from when my daughter was a baby wrapped around her. I placed a sheet of lace on top and a bow that was with some flowers I got. It was my way of adorning her in a way that was beautiful even though her last moments seemed to take her so swiftly from me, but hopefully not too painfully. It was just a small way of showing how much I cared.
I had been told earlier in the week she either had cancer or a bad pancreatic infection. The vet had told me to come by and pick up this medication to help since she had pill form but she wasn’t drinking, so maybe that's why it wasn't helping. He said if she didn’t improve by Monday I would have to say goodbye. I owed it to her to try and I thought she was going to fight it as she seemed to cheer up, but no that didn’t happen. Her body gave up. I tried as best I could. If I hadn't tried I would regret not trying, but I almost regret trying as she didn't have to go through the final day and she would've gone quietly and peacefully instead of how she did. I am sorry Mittens. I wanted to do right by you.
Today I lost my friend. I brought her to the vet to be cremated. It was one of the hardest things I’ve had to do. I had to leave her behind. She’s gone. Her spirit has left us and her body will soon be free as well.
I’m honestly crushed. To some, it’s a cat, big deal. Well to me she was a friend, and most importantly she was part of my family.
I will remember that moment she was born.
I will remember the moment she passed and those after that she won’t.
I will remember the times in the morning she heard my daughter and I playing video games and she came to sit with us.
I will remember the infrequent yet close times she had with our other cat Aloo, although most of the times she hissed at him.
I will remember her always being there, always watching. Sitting in her old cat tree and her new.
I will remember how she finally warmed up to my daughter and even let her carry her around.
I will remember how she would come off her cat tree and over to my desk to see me. She would want to be petted when I was sitting there. If I was busy she would gaze up at me and wait until I looked down and our eyes met, then she would meow at me, one simple sweet meow as I would reach down to pet her.
I will remember the moments I would pet her and she would rub her head hard on my hand as she liked being petted a bit harder on her head.
I will remember each and every time anyone looked at her and she would give them this look like she wasn’t impressed, but the moment I said her name or called her and her eyes lit up and softened.
I will remember her final ride beside me in the car. The feeling of holding her one last time as I had to part from her forever.
I love her. I miss her. I can’t believe she’s gone and I still feel shocked as at this time it was only 7 hours ago. She wasn’t supposed to go yet. She was supposed to come back with me when I moved back to Canada, where she was from. That’s what I thought. I think it’s unfair yes, especially with all that’s changing. Now she will have her ashes spread here in Florida, the last place she lived with the family that loved her every single moment from the moment she was born until the moment she left this world. The last place she was happy. The last home, her home.
If I could have you back I would, but I know that’s not possible. I hope that where you are now you know without a doubt how much I loved you. That you are happy and healthy and free of pain. That you are at peace. I hope one day we meet again my dear friend. The next steps of life will not be the same without you, and I cannot thank you enough for being my companion all of these years and all of these moves and everything else. Rest peacefully dear mittens, aka gimmies, and also known as gimmz.
Rest Peacefully. Love Jenny
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Cherish the moments you have with your pets, we almost always outlive them. Be with them however you can and treat them well. When it’s time, stand strong by their side.