Hi Hive account@tmendieta, thank you for sharing such a personal part of your life, and congratulations on becoming a mother, I have 3 girls myself. Birth is such a huge, amazing life changing event and it really can bring up so many memories and traumas for us, what our body and our minds go through during and after is so amazing but also so full on, it really can bring up past trauma as in birthing our babies we are re birthing ourselves into motherhood, bringing so much up to the surface. It is normal to have these feelings and emotions about the baby you never had, but you did what was best for you and you need to make peace with that. You would not be were you are today with you beautiful daughter if you chose differently.
I would suggest having a little, ceremony for that little soul, you need to honour that life but you also need to let it go so that you can move forward. I really feel for you at this time, thank you for you honesty and bravery in speaking out. You are at the start of your journey into motherhood, please feel free to contact me if you need anything xx much love and respect to you mama xx