I’m finding an awareness of the conflict that I perpetuate in my own consciousness and seeing the consequences of this propensity for self-criticism.
I have not drank alcohol since August 2, 2015. This came about after receiving a challenge to stop drinking for a year, it is now December 18, 2015.
This was instantly gratifying and I was surprised by how easy it was. I rode the high of a clear mind for several months and felt very pleased with myself.
It wasn’t until I encountered some challenges and environmental changes in my life that I was tempted to start drinking again. I would like to announce that I am no longer binding myself to this “challenge” of abstinence. I do not care that I have not drank for four months and I do not care that I have eight months to go – fuck it!
Am I going to drink a beer now? Of course not. Alcohol, or more accurately, ethanol, is a neurotoxin! There is no debate to be had over this, and my personal preference is to maintain my brain at its current weight.
I am reading “The Awakening of Intelligence,” which is a compilation of lectures and interviews by Jiddu Krishnamurti. At one point in this he asserts the difference between chronological time and psychological time, he does this in congruence with the core of what I understand his expression to be, that the observed and the observer are one and the same.
One must be familiar with Krishnamurti to understand his delivery method; he is not a guru and he does not profess to be the holder of truth, he merely encourages the contemplation of ideas. In doing so, I see the truth of these assertions in my own life – not because he said so but because they are childishly obvious.
Chronological time and psychological time: They both exist entirely in consciousness, nowhere else. They are observed and consciousness is the observer; neither can exist without the other and therefore they are one and the same. Krishnamurti urges the audience to contemplate the sources of conflict; how or if our perception of time manifests division, and therefore conflict, within consciousness.
Chronological time is a practical tool of measurement, obviously. One cannot make Kraft dinner without chronological time, or know how fast one is driving on the highway, or how to meet a friend at a restaurant. So this perception of time creates no conflict, it simply is.
Psychological time is a lot different, it creates conflict and we come about its perception through cultural conditioning. This is straight forward; do you get paid by the chronological hour at work or by the psychological hour? Obviously the latter, if it was the former you would not perceive the activity as “work.” Psychological time creates the ramifications of “yesterday” and “tomorrow.”
This understanding only holds relevance after it is fully-realized that the observer and the observed are the same thing, that if the observer observes conflict, he is conflict. The world is in a perpetual state of disorder because my consciousness is in a perpetual state of disorder. Once I understand the disorder, it becomes orderly without effort, by the simple act of understanding. The disorder is conflict, fragmentation. It is the precept of, “Me against the world,” as opposed to, “I am the world.” This is not self-centeredness, it is the realization that I am an observer and what I observe is myself.
What is it about my house nearly burning down and the extremely cold weather that creates this conflict in my consciousness? “I want to drink but I can’t because it hasn’t been a year yet.” This is childish because it is based on my self-imposed perception, my voluntary prison – my psychological time. “I haven’t drank for four months, therefore I can feel good about myself.” This has no bearing on objective reality. If I want to drink, I ought to. By denying myself a thing that I want, I am creating conflict: Me against my will to drink. In reality, there is only one consciousness, there are not two “Me’s,” there is only one.
Once you realize that you are one, and you and your environment are one, you make an ally of yourself. Mind, body, and world are one.
Do I want to drink or not? I do not, – because it’s a neurotoxin. There goes the conflict. There is no temptation, this would require a third party introducing an ulterior motive. There is no such thing.
I think this applies to all forms of abstinence derived from the perceived interest of “self-improvement.” As if you have a higher and a lower self, that the one needs to dominate the other and keep it in line. This is a division that only exists if you invent it, it is a conflict that you impose on yourself and build an entire world around.
Test this process if you like, be a friend of yours. Try seeing yourself and the world as a single entity. This doesn’t require “work” or “self-discipline.” Once you understand the conflict, conflict is gone. Conflict is the opposite of understanding, one cannot have both.