As I write this, the first thing you need to know – I am not the same person I was 5 or 10 years ago. There are an insane number of traumas in my past that led me down an angry and judgy path. In 2013, I made the firm decision that I was going to be a better person. The traumas needed to GO.
No matter how much you love your friends and family, a toxic relationship is a toxic relationship. There is no way to sugar coat this statement. Now in my past there are good memories and there are bad memories. Given the level of stressful ones, I do my best to not go back, but I decided that sharing some of them, may help someone leave their abusers sooner.
Abusers? Oh yeah, you can have more than one abuser. It can be a family member, a significant other, or even a co-worker or boss. Oh the stories, I can tell you. One of my abusers, the Narcist, never believed me when I discussed the events that occurred at work. My entire life, they said I needed to stop my whining.
How does one get out of this constant barrage of negativeness? It ain’t easy. Counseling is the best place to start. Financial reasons are a big concern as well. I will give tips and ideas on these as I come up with them because my situation was just a pure leap of faith – and that is not for the faint of heart.
A story to make you appreciate your life and the beautiful happy people in it –
I was blessed with a beautiful little girl – almost 18 years ago. The first four weeks of her life were almost some of the worst parts of my life. My instincts were that something was not right. And I went to the doctor and went to ER and went to the doctor and round that circle went until I found a pediatrician.
They all told me that yes, she had reflux, but no, nothing was wrong because she was gaining weight and growing. B the Frac’n S. I made the appointment for the new kid doctor – still had a week to go when my world stopped for a moment. We were laying down napping. I heard the liquid from her stomach start to come up.
To keep it from going down her neck and back, I sat her up and nothing came out. I looked at her – she was BLUE! The 22 year old in me, almost lost it, but instead, I got her into the baby choking position and the fluid came out on to the floor. Okay. This sucked, but my husband would be home in a couple of hours, and we could drive to the ER.
Just a moment later, it happened again. Upside down baby, 911, and please help. When we got to the children’s hospital, they called the old doctor, who told them to send us home as I was just imagining things. No joke. Still hurts like hell to think about, to this very day. My husband (at that time) was livid. He said that he agreed with the doctors and told me to stop taking her to the doctor.
We had a follow-up the next day, with the old doctor’s office, but this time the doctor over all the other doctors was who saw my child. Not only did he apologize, but he sent us across campus to the children’s ER and told them to admit my beautiful refluxing little girl.
My family was livid with me. The next day, she had an upper GI, where she drank the barium. The radiology tech hands me the bottle and says have her drink it. Turns around, comes back, wait she is done? Yep.
They told me to lay her down. Uh, do you have the equipment ready? They tell me no. Well, you let me know because I know what happens, thanks.
Sure enough, with the equipment ON, I lay her down – up comes the barium. It floods her lungs, her almost non-existent baby sinuses, her nose, and then it goes down her neck and to her back – like normal.
The medical staff are rushing around, I remember someone saying pick her up, pick her up. Someone else shoves my now ex-husband out of the way and comes to clean her up and me as I am not rocking her on my chest.
The doctors call this even an ALTE: Apparent Life Threating Event
She was placed on meds and a breathing/heartrate monitor. To this day, my ex-husband still believes that I don’t know a damn thing about my child’s health and still blames me for ruining his life.
But that is about a million stories for plenty of time to come 😊 Because NO ONE should stick around in this situation. I should have left him that very day, but I wouldn’t leave for another year – don’t let that be you. Bad Is Bad.
In the United States there are domestic abuse crisis lines, talk to someone. They will at minimum help to guide you and build-up your strength of self.
Do It.
Here is Chienchien, my perfect Westie, to brighten up the mood. It took me 3.5 years, but I have replaced her wingback chair. This is the old one...New pictures to come.