It is sure exciting to meeting someone new, having a first date or starting a romantic relationship. But no matter how much of a sucker for romance you might be, falling head over heels for someone can blind you to behaviors that foreshadow future unhealthy relationship dynamics. I don't want to be all doom and gloom about it,but people oversee early warning signs and realise they are in an abusive relationship way after a lot of damage has been done to them,mentally emotionally or even physically. There are thousands of articles and books on this subject,all containing a sprinkle of the writer's own experience,either as a first-hand survivor or as a professional dealing with survivors of unhealthy/abusive relationships. Hindsight is always 20/20 I guess, so here goes, some of the signs I ignored but after I left I realised they were warnings of what is to follow.
Rudeness and insulting comments to any possible random person "except you of course,you are special". No,it's not a compliment,no, they don't actually think you are special, no, their fake nice behavior to you will not last and yes of course it is fake,just look at how they treat people they don't even know and for no reason at all.That's how they will treat you too.
Asking you to commit to a relationship with them too soon. No,a person who asks you to be exclusive with them before you even go on a date is not "helplessly in love with you". It's a trap,especially if you JUST met this person. (prepare for a ton of possesiveness)
...While they are also hitting on any person that crosses their field of vision,right in front of your face. Bonus points if after that they berate that person for not "appreciating" a rude and usually lewd "compliment" and also act like you hurt them by not being jealous and like you are making them act like that with your indifference. (and a ton of cheating-see the double standar here?)
Overtly insulting your looks,your job,your career,your likes and dislikes,minimising and bellitling your opinion on anything after they asked for your opinion, and then trying to play it off as a harmless joke after the fact. (throw in some verbal abuse in there)
Then expecting you to apologise for being offended by their insult and asking you to admit that you are oversensitive (for politely telling them that "I don't think this is a nice thing to say". (and some manipulation)
Or trying to convince you that you imagined them saying this and how dare you think they are a person that would ever say something vile? (some good old fashioned gaslighting to fuck up your mental health for good?Throw that in there too.)
Picking a fight with a stranger for no reason at all,then expecting you to take sides or even trying to get you to deal with the consequences and finish the fight on their behalf. (oooh agression,violent tendencies,blatand disregard for your safety)
Even if you know what you want to order, trying to push their preferences on you and insisting you order what they tell you or even interrupting you while you try to order your food and ordering for you what they want instead.Then eating most of your food without even asking for permission. (controlling and not respecting that you have a right to choose for yourself.guess who will be ignoring all your boundaries and having selective hearing loss when you say no to something-anything you don't want to do?)
Trying too hard to impress you with something trivial,then throwing a tantrum when you don't get impressed with their bragging of trivial things (gee,you collect boxes from videogame consoles you used to own?you can light your fart on fire?swoon),or you don't give them praise for the bare minimum of decent behavior that is expected in society (how awesome,you did not push the old lady out of the way even though she is walking too slowly,here is your award now stop bragging about it as if you did some great good to humanity).
Expecting you to answer their every call or text immediately,while they take up to 5 days to answer to what you first told them/messaged them about.Oh they do message back,they will want you to spend all your free time calling or texting each other,but they never reply to what you said on your first message,they just ignore the subject and talk about anything and everything else.Try mirroring their behavior and watch them throw an endless tantrum.
No matter how excited you might be for a date with someone new or a new relationship,keep your eyes and your ears open for signs. If you see these behaviors on early dates,just run and don't look back,trust me you will not be missing out on anything good. There will be more parts on the behaviors I realised (too late) that are signs of abusive behaviors.After all,even 4 years after my escape I still have plenty of demons to exorcise,so I might as well put my ugly past to good use and write a survival guide.