SEX - WHY MARRIAGE WON'T WORK
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I was speaking at a seminar on "Sex before marriage" to singles when I brought out a masking tape and wrapped it around my arm. I removed the tape and wrapped it on a second person, third, fourth, fifth up to the last person in the hall. While wrapping and removing, we noticed that the strength of the glue was weakening and the tape was losing its purpose as we kept using it on different people. We got to a point where the tape couldn't hold anymore. At that point, the tape became totally useless and lost its value completely.
Now here's the point...
Beyond the pleasure of "sex" is an emotional attachment and bonding it was designed to bring. Before and during an ideal sex (excluding rape for victims) there are hormones or chemicals that are being released in the brain. I need to tell you that sex starts in the brain (mind) and without the mind there is no sex (only a rape victim that does not have sex first in the mind). So, the brain is our greatest "sex organ" not the female sex organ or the male sex organ.
As a matter of fact, the male and female sex organs does not release any fluid until the brain releases some hormones or chemicals. The hormones for females it is called "oxytocin" and "vasopressin" for males. These hormones are released even from the first touch from a partner. For females, Oxytocin is released in the female brain whenever there is touching and hugging, bonding you to the person you are touching or hugging, making you trust them more and giving a deeper level of bonding to that person.
For females it is very critical because the world actually exist in our mind. How we respond to the physical world is based on what's in our mind about it. That is why you could hate a person no matter how handsome, wealthy and loving he appears because your mind has interpreted him to be negative and you're only responding accordingly.
Once oxytocin is released in the female brain on a male's person in the mind, bonding occurs and the bonding comes with love and trust for the person no matter who the person is or what he does. That is why a lot of girls still stay in a relationship no matter how they have been beaten and maltreated by their partners. A lady would still say "he loves me, I know he does"; even with a swollen eyes caused by the "he", because oxytocin is actually the one speaking. It's not their fault anyway, it is the abuse of design. Once oxytocin is released, you are emotionally bonded with the person and sometimes spiritually in case of sexual intercourse and it will be difficult to ever leave that person even after you have married another person for long. You could still remember the boy you had sex with at your teens anytime you're having sex with your husband, and at that point, you're having sex with two males at once because the main sex organ is not the one between your legs but the one between your ears.
Oxytocin is released on three occasions:
During sex or its related activities - designed to bond with partners,
Immediately after child bearing - designed to bond with offsprings,
While breastfeeding - designed to bond with children at a deeper level.
For females the release is not always pleasurable but for males it is. So whilst a male engage in sex for pleasure a female mind is busy bonding seriously with the male.
Vasopressin is released in the male brain for pleasure. The more the activity the more the hormone is released. That's the reason why once a guy touches you, he'll want to keep touching until he begins to touch your sensitive parts and all of a sudden undresses you until he gets to the peak of Vasopressin release where Dopamine is also released. Dopamine is the same substance released in the brain when one is addicted to alcohol, cigarette, cocaine, food and other activities such as fast driving.
So ladies, when a guy is touching you and smiling and he's kissing you and all of a sudden he wants to have sex with you and as you try to object, he tells you that he loves you, and if you don't allow him, it means you don't love him... Calm down... That's not the guy talking, its dopamine. The guy has gotten dope and will be talking dope until he dopes you and comes back to his right mind.
Emotion is stronger than knowledge, no matter the sermon you preach, dear Sister, you'll still go down like Tamer and Delilah except you do something very aggressive to stop him.
I've preached a lot...
Now, here is why your marriage won't work...
The key to sex is not what is in between your legs but what's in between your ears (mind). Unfortunately, they have not yet invented a condom for the mind. The only alternative condom for the mind is the wedding ring.
When oxytocin is released - normally it starts from petting or small-small touches from a male - no matter who the man is you start to honestly evaluate the person in a super-wonderful way. Psychologists and neuroscientists have concluded to say, Oxytocin produces "rose glasses" causing a pink-lens effect. What happens is, the person with this rose glasses sees the man and everything he does in pink-lens (love, care and trust). The young lady will still be fantasizing everything about the guy because oxytocin has been released and no matter what, she will still remain in that relationship except someone/thing works on her mind. You know the effect of rose glasses? Distort in perception and thinking, scientifically called "wrapped judgment"
For ladies who feel emotionally attracted to many (more than) men and allow emotional activities such as cuddling, hugging, touch and sex... Oxytocin is released each time on different people and therefore losing its "essence" which was meant for one person and her offsprings alone. The oxytocin hormones becomes less effective and ladies begin to find it difficult to bond and love one person for a long time.
It happens to guys too.
And like the masking tape illustration I gave, the oxytocin will then loose its strength to bond causing these people inability to love and bond with their partners after marriage and even their children. This is the reason why many marriages fail.
Have you ever wondered why marriages of most celebrities never last more than five years, especially movie actors and actresses? Because they involve in a lot of oxytocin triggering activities until it loses its ability to bond, and as a result they can't truly love and care for long.
Is there ever a cure?
As a Psychologist, No!
Not in neurosciences at all
The only cure is "Purity"
And what is purity?
Purity is being as you were "originally created"
And friend, only God can do this one...
My advice to young people... Sexual stimulating activities and sex are really beautiful but designed for the married. Abstain from all sexual stimulating activities, from porn, romance, careless touching, technical sex, sex and emotional attachments when you're not ready for marriage.
Sex is a beautiful things designed for marriage
Abstinence is possible!
Say no to sex before marriage!
Sexual purity is possible!
Written by: Nnaji, Emmanuel
Edited by : Danny songs