Good evening Steemians,
I wanted to post on the 19th but I overdid it using up my resource credits and I was grieving a bit.
I wish I knew what to say and what could be the proper way to send off to a loved one. Or how to cope and grieve when the world is spiraling like a whirlwind and doesn’t give you a moment to breathe. And there’s also that sense of guilt that you may not have seen your loved ones enough before life takes them away.
I feel awful that I've been having my head in the sand trying to focus in my studies and be a great performer at work. Hardly having a moment to myself, when I could be spending time with family and friends. We’re all here for a brief moment in time. Overcoming cancer myself, I should know better. I’m sure many parents feel that way too when their children grow up and don’t want to spend time with their folks. It’s so easy to take it for granted thinking things will always be the same while we’re surrounded by constant change.
Monday, November 19th was the night my grandmother had passed away. She was into her 90s and this year her health started to wither away very quickly. She had endured a broken pelvis and made it through surgeries. Recovery was very hard on her and with some bad luck she recently broke her arm. I have no idea about the events that happened. She was already very weak and didn’t want to eat or drink and was hardly coherent.
It’s very easy to feel angry and throw the blame that family didn’t do everything they could to help her. In the end they did what they could to make her feel comfortable.
From what I hear from my aunt… while she was out of it. Her final amounts.. my grandma opened her eyes, wide open and she had a brief moment of pure Bliss. Then she was gone. She didn't suffer anymore. My aunt believes she was greeted by loved ones.
Kat’s Sacrifice - Battlestar Galactica Season 3 - Bear McCreary
So say we all.
My mother and I dwelled upon this a lot. We may not have a tight knit family and we have our issues but at least we have our health and we’re blessed for many things. There’s no telling what tomorrow will bring. Cherish these moments with family and loved ones. Everything else is trivial.
It’s getting closer to midnight and I still have yet to start my assignments, that are due tomorrow. I’m likely to pull a couple all nighters. Thankfully there's no work tomorrow of friday. It’s soo hard to keep up with this stuff.. During last weekend I was waking at dawn and would work all saturday and sunday just to slip my assignment 45 minutes before its due. Thankfully I did well but its just so exhausting at the best of times. Now something like this happens and derails your motivation. It’s very hard to make sacrifices for your future when your reality is slipping away.
Usual actifit stuff, at work I messed around with projectors and audio visual equipment. Got it calibrated. There was quite a dispute with my bank and medical stuff. Some requiring documents to sign and driving back and forth across town.. Thinking about it I’ll need to follow up one of these days. What bugs me is your paying for such services and yet you have to hold their hand and make sure they do things right. And what's weird about is higher ups are asking all stuff what it is we do for the department. It feels so frustrating when we have to justify why we need subordinates what it is we do. My staff seems nervous. They feel worried it's trimming the fat and jobs are being threatened. Maybe they are and they're hoping to get rid of people that protest and contribute the least. I'm hoping that's not the case and I hope higher management appreciates what we do and tries to guide us towards our career goals.
I also figured out my nvidia 2080 founder's edition is defective. It crashes within two minutes on the main menu of Tomb raider and can't last a minute in a benchmark stress provided by nvidia. I took videos and showed them, processed an RMA and shipped my card today.
I eagerly look forward to thanksgiving and having time off from work. I just don't know how much of me will be there to enjoy it. I’m already buried in assignments due by the end of the week.. Some assignments are worth three weeks of points. Lesigh.. and my finals begin in less than two weeks.
Grandma… I hope your not suffering anymore and you’re finally at ease.
Good night everyone...
