It was my only escape route now and i knew it so,
I took a pill and popped it.. Damn! The nausea that follows and the restlessness and diarrhea in my case, it was awful, I wait a bit longer and its not a bad anymore. Its very bearable actually. After a while of cause.
They say it gets easier as you keep up, I contemplate and decide against it...
Slowly I drift back into my feeling of worthlessness, I could have been a better child, better boyfriend, better friend! The hell I could have been a better me.
These feelings have to go so I pop another pill, hmmmmm
Its not bad at all... I begin to feel better, happier even
So daily my routine shifted and I just had to take a pill..
I needed it...
To get to a happy place
I needed it to feel
I needed it to act
I needed to love
I needed it to live
But one wasn't enough again as my need for happiness grew bigger, the emptiness without it was worse than anything I've ever felt. The shaky fright when am not within it's reach was a death trap.
I was on life support, only not in a Emergency room but trapped in the four walls of my lair.
Only it didn't lead me to freedom as i supposed, it was Cage. And i knew there was no redemption for me.
They say when you find happiness, you'd give anything in exchange for it...
So it was logical, I spent all my money trying to get it...
Sold my stuffs to get it...
Stole a few just for a sniff...
But people won't understand this triangle of need.
Until I went over the dosage usage... Time and tine again, my needs dug deeper as my struggle to stay sane weened further, and once again I've abused the one thing that's held me together....
It's my escape and my demon.
It is going to be the death of me, i knew that, but i could still forget all if i just pop another...
Just one more...
Maybe another after that..
And another!
I'm addicted.