You are hearing a word tossed about almost as much as Mental Health. Many Mental Health "experts" even claim that it is a disease. The pathogen for this disease hasn't ever been found. When exposed to the source of this disease some people become afflicted while others don't. Yet then again anything you are exposed to can kick this disease up. What is this horrible affliction? It is an addiction, and I want to look at this a little more because I don't buy the whole addiction story. I don't see addiction the same way as the experts do. I don't see that there is actually such a thing as addiction. They are just very damaging coping habits.
As always I like to look at the word we are using. It is a Mid-16th-century word that is used to describe someone who is devoted to something. There for a long time If you were a Christian you were an addict of the religion. Christians had an addiction to Christ. So at first addiction wasn't a bad thing. Somewhere in more current history, the name started to mean that someone was dependent on a substance. This then started meaning anything. So you got terms like porn addict, Sex addict, food addict. Which added more shame to the already heavy load. When in reality it just means to turn to a particular activity when you aren't getting enough reward chemicals in your brain.
So let's dive a little deeper and see what addiction is and is not. While also exploring what it actually means for those who are struggling with a bad habit.
What Addiction Is Not
So there is a lot that society gets wrong about what an addiction is and is not. Some make sense, while others seem to be used as a means to keep people feeling like a victim. They can't help that they have an addiction they are a victim of their own mind. Oh, Woe is Me I have a faulty brain. No that is horse crap and there is plenty of evidence to that effect. I don't want men to be victims.I want them to be in full control of their actions. Part of that is taking responsibility for getting themselves into the mess they are in.
Addiction is not A Disease
Society and Mental health experts have had a long history of morphing words to meet their desired definitions. Addiction is one of those words. Now instead of addiction being something that you can be cured of. Something you can change devotions to Psychologists now have started calling it a disorder. A disease of the brain. Like you can walk past a tweeker and catch a meth addiction. It doesn't take into consideration that you had to choose the option of putting the crack pipe to your mouth and lighting it. You had to choose to have the heroin needle inserted into your vein. You have to choose to put the glass of whisky to your mouth and drink. Yet there are plenty of doctors out there stating that an addiction isn't a disease.
When was the last time you knew of a pathogen that you could choose to just drop? People say they get addicted to cigarettes yet I am sure you have met people who chose to quit smoking. Some people smoked for 40+ years and then were told that they had Lung cancer and dropped the smokes instantly. People who have had hard-core addictions to heroin and other opioids decide that they want off after being shunned by those they love.
When was the last time you decided to drop the cold like a bad habit? I haven't. I would love to but never have. Why? because there is an actual pathogen to the common cold a Non-Polio Enterovirus called the Rhinovirus. Cancer is a disease that is caused by different environmental factors. Smoking irritates the lung cells and they turn cancerous. Alcohol affects the liver, pancreas, and other organs. We have health problems because of the choices and habits we allow to form. Yet the habit itself isn't a disease.
A choice isn't a disease but it can become a habit.
Lack of WillPower
Many people want to say you just don't have enough willpower to stop drinking or smoking or stop looking at porn. That is also a misconception that you need willpower. You see our mind is motivated by, interestingly enough, the motivational triad. This is...
- Seek Pleasure
- Avoid Pain
- Be as efficient as possible
When you find something that gives you a huge boost of satisfaction you are going to want to have more. Eating after a long hard day allows you to enjoy the meal even more. That is because your brain knows that when you eat sugar you get a lot of quick burnable energy. Yet when you don't burn that energy off it gets stored as fat for the just in case of another famine. So when you eat empty calories that are found in delicious Salty potato chips we get a huge pop of satisfaction due to the taste. This is why we can't eat just one.
Instead of a lack of willpower, we actually have a misdirection of that willpower. We are willfully wanting more of our habit because our brain craves more of the sensation of satisfaction. This is why so many people turn to their bad habits when they are bored. Boredom is just the lack of satisfaction and our brain starts making noises and compelling us to find the easiest satisfaction it can. Because, again it wants to seek pleasure and avoid pain in as easy of a manner as possible.
A Disorder
Actually, an addiction is very ordered. Your brain is doing what it can as easily as possible so that it can get the satisfaction it craves. What it actually the cause is a lack of intentional thought. When you pay attention to your thoughts you can see where your thinking is straying into areas where you are not being served. Our minds are don't get killed devices. So its main objective is to ensure that you stay on the right side of the dirt. Yet in pursuit of that satisfaction, you can often find your brain being like the Wylie E Coyote when he is watching the line on the road and ends up running into the wall.
A disorder isn't as bad as a disease but it is right next to it. It takes the responsibility for your actions and throws them out the window. You have to have the desire to change but if it isn't your fault then you don't have to worry about it. You just have to learn how to manage your actions. Always be on the lookout for dangerous and victim-inducing triggers hiding out in the real world.
This is the problem I have with the 12-step programs. Yes, they do work many people have effectively been able to ditch drinking, porn, overeating, self-harm, and more. Yet it also makes people have to be overly cautious of what is around them. they almost have to be afraid that the substance they are drawn to will magically jump into their hands if they get too close. It can almost appear that way when you have an unintentional mind.
Addiction isn't any of those it is just a word to describe the easy road to satisfaction. An easy road without intentional thinking.
Your Thoughts on The Withdrawal Symptoms
What is it about addictions that most addicts fear? the withdrawal right? The pain, discomfort, and feeling sick after being hooked on something for years and years. So answer me this. Why don't we have a huge population of elderly junkies? when they go into the hospital for surgeries like knee hip or shoulder replacement, These folks are placed on morphine Now they don't get it all the time but what they do get is purer than heroin. So when it is time for granny to leave after hip replacement why doesn't she go through with drawls?
Maybe it is because the withdrawal symptoms are what we believe is supposed to happen. I quit smoking twice in my lifetime. I smoked for about 20 years the first time and thought that I was supposed to be cranky and irritable when I quit. Well, guess what? I was cranky and irritable I snapped at the kids, I snapped at my wife. I was an asshole. I thought I knew better and got back to smoking in 2020 thinking I would be able to control it. The satisfaction is tremendous. And found myself back to 2 packs day within a few short months. I realized that I am a bored smoker. WHen i was driving I went through 2 packs a day. When I was at the house occupied with other activities I was maybe a half a pack smoker.
So at the end of 2022, I decided I was going to quit again. However, this time I learned about withdrawals being what you thought of them. Remember your thoughts create your results, and they do. I was able to quit and was nicotine-free in three months and if I was cranky I didn't notice it.
Now is it easy? No, your brain wants that satisfaction and it will unleash all the noisy monkeys in your head. Yet if you can understand and be intentional in your thoughts you can go through the withdrawal period with minor to no symptoms. That is because the withdrawal symptoms are just the thoughts you perceive to be true.
What if we only experience those withdrawals simply because we are told we are supposed to experience them?
What Addiction Is
So now that we understand what addiction isn't let's look at what addiction really is.
Just a Word
Starting off it is just a word. Nothing more than a vibration shaped by the position of a tongue and mouth. We have decided to ascribe a value to this word and I think the value is completely off. It isn't a death sentence, nor is it a reason to give up. you aren't a victim, so stop acting like one.
A Means of Buffering
As mentioned before it is a means of buffering.
When we have a thought or emotions we don't like, we often turn to our buffer. As the term sounds it is a cushion from you and something undesired. Many times for men it is porn because we don't want to be rejected by our wives. We take that rejection to mean something about us. In reality, it just means she isn't in the mood for sex. Most women aren't. Yet we want to tell ourselves that it is because we can't satisfy her, or that we have too small of a penis (Just look at all the male enhancement pills out on the market). Our mind tells us all sorts of stories and excuses as to why it is easier to just turn to Pornhub and flog the dolphin. Yeah, you get your release but you get a better release when your wife is involved.
We overeat because we are angry at someone or we are nervous. We could see these as negative emotions but are they really? Maybe being bored is a useful emotion. If you ever want to feel motivated to get something done try being bored. Yet we associate boredom as something to avoid and we do avoid it when we are operating from an unintentional mind. Unintentional minds are like toddlers with a scalpel. Cute but very dangerous.
Junk Satisfaction
Much like junk food, you can have junk satisfaction. It really isn't that great but it just kind of scratches the itch that our mind wants. Yet when you withhold satisfaction in delayed gratification you find that sense of satisfaction to be greater. This is one reason addicts need more as they go. They aren't hitting the same level of satisfaction anymore so they have to up their dose.
When we don't get the level of satisfaction we thought about before we eat more. We watch harder-core porn so we get a sense of novelty and satisfaction. We take a harder hit on that pipe. we smoke more cancer sticks. Each of these is because we are getting junk satisfaction and not what we truly need which is a real healthy satisfaction.
A lack of Community
Most of the time addiction crops us with those who don't have the sense of community they want. Yeah, it sounds too easy because if they want more community they just go out and find more friends. Yet that isn't always the case because your thoughts aren't the addict's thoughts. maybe their loving mother and father didn't match up to their manual of what good parents were.
There is a great experiment that was conducted in the 1970s where they made a park for rats. Now first off they get the rat hooked on morphine. Then the rats were placed in this Rat Park there was plenty of space for the rats to move. Plenty of places to play and plenty of members of the opposite sex so they could socialize. When added to the park the majority of rats instantly dropped the habit and started living normal rat lives. They didn't go through withdrawal symptoms. They stopped choosing morphine-laced water for regular water. Why?
My thought is that there was a community for the rats. Many people who are addicts become addicts because of their community. If you have a group of friends that all start smoking you are more likely to start smoking too because you inherently want to make sure you are a part of the community. You still have to make a conscious choice to take up the habit but the choice is easier if your brain is telling you that you have to be a part of the tribe.
This is why I also believe that we don't have a huge junkie grandma problem. They have a community and they are confident in their place in the community. Young men aren't as confident. Men whose lives are not going according to plan and start separating themselves from their group often also turn to habit. Men who believe their wife isn't being affectionate enough will turn to porn. We will turn to an easy satisfaction if we don't have the right community. This is one reason why the Man's Community pillar is so important.
How Can You Help a person who is struggling?
So what if you know a person who is struggling with an addiction? This is a serious question to ask, though I am not a big fan of psychologists I do see they have the skill of helping people to raise their emotional base lie to something that will provide a better platform for success. Though they may be operating off of a model that isn't fully using all the person's abilities they can and often do help. The 12-step programs are also helpful to get started. Yet as I mentioned before they seem to provide more victims than correcting the deficit.
Find ways to include the addicted person in healthy relationships. Yet also know that you can't help them. Ultimately the addicted have to want to change their circumstance. They are the only ones who can do so. Yet the influence of a healthy community can often entice them to start changing.
You do have to apply tough love. That is setting boundaries and enforcing them when they are broken. This often means a withdrawal from the community that they want.
But ultimately the addicted person has to want to change. This often means they have to hit rock bottom. It isn't comfortable to the family or friends but also isn't comfortable for the affected too. When the pain of continuing down that road gets too much they will face the pain of changing. When they want to change great welcome them back into the fold.
One of the best examples of a man who fought through his addiction is Jay Mewes. He and his long-time friend Kevin Smith had a podcast called Jay and Silent Bob Get Old and it was started as a means to keep Jay on the straight and narrow. they talk about Jay's Journey and struggles as he navigated his life being clean for the first time in years. The first 100 or so episodes are powerful in that they talk about Jay and his life. Recommend everyone listen to these from time to time. Yeah bit if trashy humor and all but the message is powerful.
Now in closing, I do want to say for those who will throw a fit and want to hold on to their victim identity of being addicted, this is just my observation and I am in no way a doctor there are treatments that can help you get over your addiction if you want help to drop the habit you are fighting I would point myself over to Bob Gardner over at The Freedom Specialist and see what his retreats can do for you.
Posted from my blog with Exxp : https://www.relaxedmale.com/addiction-is-not-a-disease-or-a-disorder-just-poor-coping-habits/