I sincerely appreciate those of you that have welcomed me back with kind and warm regards. It's truly been a much needed outlet and source of inspiration to reconnect with old friends and meet some new folks.
I patched things up and opened up to the in-laws and my wife today. It's very complex being part of a completely different culture and that's especially true as we all are struggling to get by and figure out post-pandemic life.
The tension I created foolishly was thick enough to cut with a knife and it I felt lighter after apologizing and admitting I've got some issues I've been dealing with since I first found my dads xanax as a 12 year old and proceeded to regularly steal and snort them. Around the same time I had a severe double fracture in my left arm and got that first shot of morphine and the hydrocodone rx to take home. Sheeeeit I basically stayed lit like a Xmas tree for the next 20 years or so. For the most part I successfully switched up my drugs and only chronically smoked copious amounts of cannabis. But, eventually in my 20s both early and late I succumbed to full blown junky life.
The latter of which absolutely took me to the brink many times and rock bottom became home. Through the internet and mainly the plant kratom I kicked the habit eventually and life got better but I still had my bouts and battles that would lead me to the tenderloin open air drug market in San Francisco. A place that eventually took 3 of my closest friends, more like brothers. Ultimately what saved me was meeting my wife online and moving across the planet to a country with capital punishment for drug offenders. I have stayed clean but not sober as I still drink beer a few times a week. I'm not really in control of that though as if I'm drinking it's heavily like 12-18 beers and sometimes the monster comes out.
I won't drag on with this but I do want to put it out there that this platform is ripe for a harm reduction and/or support group of fellow addicts. I mean it's anonymous and for me a safe place to be open and honest. Maybe someone might want to start a community I'm not savvy enough to do such things and I'm not sure I can be consistently available to lead that kind of project, but it's not the worst idea IMHO.
I drove out to the port today with my wife and we got some salty ionized air in us and are prepared for the announcement of another strict lockdown tomorrow. I am having a difficult time with the phone and cursor here and thankfully a draft was saved as something happened and I got sent adrift. Exactly why I'm not the one to start anything here as it's just too cumbersome and clunky, but I'll put up with because so many of you have put up with my belligerent arrogance for so long. Stay safe and love the ones your with and also the ones you're not with.