I have been in kind of an adoption craze since we adopted and brought our son home in July 2015. We adopted due to not being able to conceive ourselves (unexplained infertility). Over the past few months my craze has been on overdrive, the broodiness is kicking in again! This has led me to reflect on adoption as a whole, and the things that I wasn’t prepared for the first time around – the things that surprised me.

I often reflect on our adoption journey and sometimes I look at our life and wonder “how on earth did we get here”. Life definitely didn’t pan out the way I envisioned it when I was young(er). As a young adult, I would never have expected these twists and turns (now I know better and I am always more prepared). I am VERY happy with the way things did turn out though, and I wouldn’t want it any other way -

Original photo taken by my friend Hive account@dansum86

Things About Adoption That Took Me By Surprise

1. Adoption changed our relationships with people

Before, during and after the adoption process we lost friends and made new ones. When people discovered that we intended to adopt a black child, their responses determined whether we wanted to continue a relationship with them. Those who reacted negatively (mostly with racial comments) were almost immediately cast aside – while we value friendships, our child was to become our first priority and we didn’t need harmful negativity hanging over him.

We also discovered a whole “adoption community” in our area and through this we formed new friendships with other adoptive parents and adoptees too.

2. Adoption made me sad

While holding my son for the very first time was the happiest moment of my life, there are many other layers to adoption, most of which are very sad. My son had a rocky start, our gain came with his loss, a burden he will carry throughout his life – as a mother, this breaks my heart!

Then, what about the thousands, if not millions, of children who are still waiting for a warm and loving home, a family of their own. While I adopted one child, there are so many that are left behind…this eats at me every day.

Lastly, a president has almost been set where if you adopt, you are not allowed to have the baby blues, since this is what you wanted right? But the truth is, just like giving birth, many women are thrown into a post-adoption depression – I felt this.

3. Adoption taught me patience

I’m quite a brat in that I am used to getting what when I want it. But adoption is all about waiting. It’s about lengthy paperwork, sleepless nights, unpredictable outcomes and not being able to have control over things that are very personal to you.

Adoption taught me that I cannot control everything, that patience is beautiful and that sometimes you just need to let go and TRUST!

4. Adoption brought my husband and I closer together

Suffering from infertility is hard and it will do one of two things; either ruin your marriage/partnership or bring you closer together. Luckily for us, it strengthened our love. Our love for each grew through support and understanding as we accepted unplanned obstacle the life put in our path. As we started the adoption process, our love blossomed again, and evolved too. The anxiety, the stress, the wait – we did it together! Loving a person is one thing, loving a person who loves your child deeply, that take the meaning of love to a whole new level.

I expected adoption to simply grow my family, make me a mother. But it has done so much more, it has opened me up to a whole new culture, that’s what adoption is really, a culture. It has altered every nuance of my life and turned things upside down and sideways too - in a mostly good way.