It was time for a boys night out so me and the boys headed to the bar that night. I told my wife i would be home late or might come home in the morning. It was our goal to get hospital drunk that night. It didn't take long for me as i was drinking on an empty stomach and i got really tired and smashed quick. After bar hopping and a few more drinks i decided to throw in the towel and go home early.
I normally can hold my own but for some reason that night i was a light weight. It was like i was a 6 year old downing vodka. A mere fart could have KOed me. So i hailed a cab and came home early that night and decided to jump in bed and make the beast with 2 backs with my wife.
As soon as i walked in the room i thought for sure my drunk ass was hallucinating. I saw my wife in bed and next to her there was ANOTHER MAN!!!! They both were sleeping and naked and i almost passed out right there on the spot. I broke out in to cold sweats and got dizzy. I quietly rushed downstairs to try to get a hold of myself because i didn't know what i was going to do. Of course it didn't help that i was drunker than George Bush.
After pacing the kitchen for a few minutes trying to gather my thoughts i looked in the sink and immediately knew what i had to do. My eyes caught my handy dish glove and it was obvious what task had to be completed.
After i went back to the room with my dish glove on i saw that son of a bitches ball bag on my sheets! So i grabbed that motherfucker's sack and literally squeezed his plums as hard as i could. I squeezed so fucking hard like i was turning coal into a diamond!
That bastard woke up screaming and within seconds he was vomiting everywhere. As my wife woke up screaming i was screaming too and was getting ready to hit that dick nose right between the eyes when someone pulled me from behind. I turned around to see who it was and saw it was MY WIFE! Yes, it's true it wasn't my wife in that bed that night it was her TWIN SISTER!! You see we let her move in a few days before and i got so drunk i forgot and didn't realize what was going on. And now i smashed her boyfriend's stones so hard i'm sure i'll have retarded nieces in the future.
I honestly don't remember much that happened after that but i honestly have never drank since and this happened 12 years ago! My brother in law and sister in law don't speak to me that much and i'm fine with it. Even after all this time has passed it's still too embarrassing to see them or talk to them often.