Excerpt: A girl loves a boy and does not want to leave him just because he doesn't put much effort into their relationship as she does. So, what to do? How to change your spouse's behavior? We live in the age of individualism, and in the hands of the more aware partner lies the responsibility for the success of the relationship. Not through struggle or force, but through acceptance and self-change.
Credit: Doug Thomas
Hi,
I have been living with my boyfriend for more than three years now. He works until late in the evenings and claims that he has no time to invest in our relationship. He says that he is very tired and prefers to sleep when he finally has time. But I think that this is the character of a lazy person. I am the one who always takes initiatives and dedicates time and effort to our love life. Is there any way to encourage him to change other than endless discussions that don’t help?
Shura
Shura,
The only way to cause the situation to change is to first accept it and fully live with it. Meaning, accept your partner as he is. The basic physical principle in life and on the path of TrueLove says that there is no way to change something you resist. The more effort you put in battling with a situation and in trying to inflict change on it, the more you perpetuate it.
A question you must ask yourself is why are you compromising? Have you lived with that person for three years now and all along have suffered that attitude of his?
Why?
Don’t you deserve more and better?
Are you afraid to take the plunge and leave?
Naturally, the reason may be that you love him; but if so, then what are you complaining about? Love towards your partner (and in general) should be unconditional because once that ground is provided the partner has a comfortable and nutritious cushion for his (or her) development. No one is forcing you to stay with him but if you make that decision, do not try to change your boyfriend; it won’t succeed.
And still, there is something you can do – work on yourself. Firstly, make a conscious effort to change the way you perceive your partner. Nowadays you see him as a lazy person. You did not say: “when it comes to our relationship he is lazy”, but you ascribed to him the quality of laziness as a general characteristic. But this is a self-fulfilling prophecy. Because if you see him as lazy now, and next week you will see him as lazy and next year the same, then when you finally get married guess what? – he will still be lazy. Do you want a lazy spouse?
In an intimate relationship, when a telepathic connection between two individuals is present, one’s thoughts and emotional images influence the other and build the nature of the relationship. Many people blame their partner for having bad qualities but they do not realize that due to the fact that they create their own reality, it is they are who responsible for perpetuating certain qualities that they have repeatedly perceived in the would-be spouse.
Therefore, providing you choose to remain with your partner-
Accept him as he is. Consider the situation as being a great lesson for you to practice unconditional love. Give to him and to the relationship without expecting to be rewarded (and I can tell you that you will be rewarded!).
Focus on the productive side of your partner, on his “positive” virtues, on the characteristics that made you love him in the first place.
Good luck!
My past article spoke about the consciousness of cancer. The comments there are a good read