From a young age, we are taught NOT to show our emotions. Babies cry and then soothed to stop crying. When we are toddlers and we hurt ourselves, we are taught to be strong, and not to cry because it is part of growing up. When we grow older it is a little bit easier to show our emotions, probably because we have earned that right. But because we were taught to behave ourselves in public most of us tend to bury our emotions in some deep dark place instead of lashing out. In social situations, most people try and hide their feelings and emotions, because they don't want to look pathetic in front of others. We teach ourselves to handle our emotions in such a way that it doesn't affect our daily lives.
I tend to do the same. I am a strong person, but I keep my emotions to myself. The only emotion that I am good at sharing is when I am angry. This is a bad characteristic, but if I am angry people tend to leave me alone. It has become somewhat of a defense mechanism. I don't have many friends, but I am very committed to those people that are part of my life.
I am extremely good at building emotional walls, and this has enabled me to live in my own little world where I feel safe. I am a very private person, and I tend to keep things to myself. I taught myself to be strong, and not to let anything or anyone bother me.
But with age, comes wisdom, and often we get to a point where we just can't stand something anymore, and we have to get it out of our system. Then it is time to break down that emotional walls and to start getting rid of all the negative cropped up feelings inside.
Weird thing is that even if I am a broken person inside living in my own perfect world with my own little walls around me, people see me as a strong person and because I seem like a strong person I often attract the wrong type of people to make friends with. It is as if they find shelter in me because I am so open minded and can help them through their struggles.
Isn't it weird that I can help others through their struggles, but I have difficulty working through my own issues. I have now reached a point where my emotional bucket is full. I have to start looking after myself, and no longer look after other people. It is time to break down these walls and to live my life the way I was intended to..
And if you find me at a party, sitting alone, crying in the corner, then just leave me alone....
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