Sparkling stage with colorful lights arranged magnificently. Thousands of spectators shouted for my name while raising a poster with my face. My chest is churning, my breath is irregular, and my heart is rushing without rhythm. That's where I stand, trying to smile back with a happy smile. The clink of music has started to rhythm, I take a deep breath and enjoy the rhythm after the rhythm of the memorable song jury. After the time came I started to sing, trying to animate the song as best I could. I gripam mic tightly, I close my eyes it feels at this time I was in Banyuwangi night.
In 1999 I was in grade 2 class I ran with my hands clasped plastic bottles of mineral water, I ran to a high land commonly called a gumuk there planted with hundreds of cocoa trees. With a breathless breath I arrived at the top. I stood looking at the dozens of hectares of rice fields that stretched. The wind touched my hair slowly, I shouted out loud.
"O nature listen to me ... listen to my voice ..." The wind blew again, and I shouted again.
"I'll be a famous person, become a singer of the capital" I shout again, but this time the wind no longer blows. A farmer who was guarding the rice from a bird attack replied in a loud voice, so I can hear from above the gumuk.
"Hopefully nak ... you can be a famous person and boast of our territory is .."
"I can definitely be a great guy ... sir lik .." I shouted again, there I always spend my time and my voice to sing, I do not want to disturb people with my high pitched voice, so I make a single concert, think it is a magnificent stage , bottled mineral water as a mic, and rice-yellow rice is thousands of people who witnessed me. Loyal audience who always waved and rocked in the afternoon breeze.
"Flutter my flag .. the holy symbol of dashing officers .. all over the coast of Indonesia you are still the idol of the nation ..." My voice echoed repeatedly carried away by the wind. I love singing national songs at that time
Until one day, when I grade IV me and my five friends win the district-level choir race in Pendopo Banyuwangi. That was my first award. And while in grade VI I won the traditional single dance competition at the provincial level. My mother said my father always praised me in front of his colleagues, my father worked in the District Office as a gardener but always got the trust of the sub-district administrator. There my father is like personal assistant Pak Pamat. My mother also told me that the Camat congratulates me. I held my first trophy in the living room with the intention that the visiting guests saw my achievement.
Armed with two championship charter that I have, I easily find the favorite SMP in my area. Said his junior high school kids are smart, I'm one of them. I follow the various extras I like like extra chorus, extra dance, extra music and extra theater. I am also active in the organization of Osis and Dkg. My days are getting busy, overwhelmed with a busy schedule. Three years of full-time SMP seized to focus on schools, extra and organization. I do not care what the outside world is. I spend my time at school until late at night, until sometimes my mother is very worried about my condition. But still at that time I think is how I keep my academic value 9 or up to 100 and the value of non-academic maximum.
Thanks to perseverance and ultimate prayer that's all I easily achieved. At the end of the third grade I got the highest NUN, the more proud I won the provincial piano race. When my junior high school graduation came home, my parents rewarded me with a motorcycle. I jingkrak happy, the more happy mother told me that I will have another sister. I have one younger brother whose name is Dion I hope the mother set up a sister for me.
I chose my favorite SMAN located in the heart of Banyuwangi city, because the school is far from home. Dad decided to get me to board. Mom can not bear to see me riding motorcycle back and forth to school. I think so. Still same as junior high school I target the minimum academic achievement score 9 even though I join Osis, Da and Extra Music. Who does not know the name of Bintang Ilham Erlangga? The multitalented star shines all the time. Yet it all shaped me into a human being who lacks a sense of solidarity, I prefer individualized in lessons. I do not care my friends do not like me anyway I can be alone. I can be alone and I do not want to bother them either. I interact with friends when organizing other than that I want us to compete. I'm good at sharpening the talents I have and even the latent talents; write for example. Secretly I like writing poetry, making free stories and even making comics with animations that I made myself.
On the eve of the 2nd semester test my father called me when the mother was in the hospital. I know that mom will give birth to my sister. After school I went to the hospital on a city bus. Arriving at the hospital, the tear-stained father hugged me tightly. Father who has been valiant now weak, he is like a human without a spirit. While my 12-year-old brother Dion was crying in front of the operating room door.
"Your mother miscarried Ham and their lives were both unsaved." The voice was like a lightning bolt, I could not hold water in my eyelids. Only then did I know what my father felt. My father has lost two wings. But what power, what can I do? that is the fate of God. I can only strengthen my weak, pale father. My sister and mother were gone on June 04, 2007. That's when I was really grieving. I can not do anything with my sorrow. I cried, cried and cried behind my father.
In 2010 I graduated from high school, I got a scholarship at one of State Higher Education in West Java, S1 Faculty of Public Health (FKM). On my father's blessing I went to Depok with money not so much because I get a subsidy from the government per month. Do not forget I brought a guitar that my mother bought a few years ago when I was active in extra junior music, said mother guitar will help me under any circumstances.
In the first semester I went through my college with excitement, in the next month, the next month and the next month to the end of a semester. But it turns out the road is not always beautiful. The road is not always what human beings do. There I find it difficult to find difficult friends looking for good people. Is this perhaps karma? No one wants to know me. Is it because I am a Banyuwangi person. Why? What is wrong? why are they all afraid of me? witch, yeah witch? I tried to emphasize again that my area is famous for its black magic but it used to be, once in the days of its ancestors. I can only say that Banyuwangi is an oxygen contributor, Banyuwangi is a peaceful area of peace and Banyuwangi is an exotic city and I am just an ordinary student. Humans in general. I have God not witchcraft or black magic. But that's not the reason. The reason is that I am too idealistic and individualistic human being. If I could be anything without a friend why am I looking for a friend? I wonder why? What for? I tried to search the internet why humans need friends. Apparently the answer is that humans are created to co-exist, socialize and even pair. If so I have to interact with a lot of people and it's fun. How fun.
Second semester has passed, accompanied by morning breeze. I traced the campus corridor, when it was still quiet but somehow I wanted to go to the library. Somebody guided me walking there. I heard a high-heeled rhythmic shoe behind me, as if following my steps. I stopped the sound of the shoes also stopped right behind me. I turned to him. Women. Beautiful girl. Very beautiful. she smiled at me. I also smiled at him. I do not know why there is a tremor in my heart in such a way that I can not reveal? Is this in love? Is this her name in love? I've never felt in love. I'm never close to women! At all.
"Hi .. why confused?" He said, his thin lips swing beautifully.
"Ma .. going to the library .." I said shaking.
"Same dong .. kenalin me Amelia from the Faculty of Economics .." he put his hand up and I took his hand. We shook hands.
"Stars .. FKM" I said shortly. We walked together, walking with this chat. we asked each other and wanted to know each other. In the library we try to be familiar. So quick and short of our introduction. We tell each other, it turns out that beautiful women came from Jember, we both were neighbors. Not to forget we exchanged hp numbers and hope to meet again. That was my first meeting and him. I concluded he was my first love.
Day after day I became more and more anxious to meet him. We often make arrangements in the library. Eventually we dared to go out, to the movies, to the beach, to restaurants and everywhere, I tried to express my feelings. She and I became lovers. I love her. Really love him very much.
I shared my affinity with Amelia to my father, but my father's opinion was not to be dating until I graduated and graduated. But I do not care about my father's prohibition. I'm still going out with Amelia. My need was more and more, as a man I tried to give happiness to Amelia even though I knew she did not want me that, my scholarship costing out of time, I was forced to ask for my father's mail. I often skipped college every day not because of Amelia but I am happy to hang out with black communities in Jakarta, maybe I am very outrageous. My grades fell freely so that sometime after the 5 th semester examination my scholarship was revoked.
I walked slowly and weakly, when I arrived in front of the boardinghouse, Amelia had stood up. He hugged me, comforted me until my mind began to calm down. We both went into the contract room. He sat down beside me, pressing my shoulder.
"Dear I brought this for you .." he took out a few bottles of drink, which I knew was a high alcoholic beverage. She opened the lid and gave it to me. Honestly I've never touched a liquor. Just never drink!
"Just once, it just warms up, beyond the heavy rain" I nodded, maybe then I was stressed and I took a sip. I frowned, its really uncomfortable. After a few gulps my tongue got used to it. I finished a bottle of drink. My head felt dizzy. more dizzy than before, after that I like flying in a fantasy.
The rain that came down with the swift did not make me realize it. I do not know what happened I do not know. I opened my eyes, I smelled a bad smell on the scent of my breath. my head is still dizzy, I try to remember what happened this afternoon. I remember and I finally remembered that my scholarship had disappeared. I turned to the side, Amilia fell asleep behind me. No clothes. And I. I also do not wear clothes. Somehow I'm hooked my lust. The moon smiled cheerfully at both of us.
Months of the month, I asked for continuous deliveries from my father. I never cared about my dad getting money from where. He still gives, gives and gives me. On the 3rd of the fifth semester my father calls me if our rice fields have been sold. Dad has nothing but a house and some cattle to support Dion's school. For some reason since Amilia I never again miss home people. During my time in West Java I have never once returned to Banyuwangi. This is the second year I am here said my father must go back to Banyuwangi so I can see the situation of the house now. I reflect, contemplate and reflect. After the scholarship I pulled out of Amelia. I do not think I want to see him again. I want to be alone and focus on my college. I started studying diligently. Chasing again that had been left behind. Not too late I thought.
I work this job-that, teach music lessons, english lessons and others even to ngamen to pay for my college who lived another year and a half. There was no rest for me, I was busy. The real Metropolitan is cruel. Here is the natural law of whoever he can. From odd jobs I was still lacking to pay for my college and my life's needs. Right in the last month in semester 5. Amelia found my hiding place one night in Bogor when I followed the health education of Bogor residents. Incidentally I myself, because it was going to ngamen while walking back to the camp. Fairly I thought.
"Why are you avoiding me this six months Bintang?" He asked. Her eyes filled with tears. He got out of the taxi and hit me right away. I can not run anymore now.
"Aaa .. akku, I make money for my college continuity. my scholarship has been pulled out and my parents' possessions have been drained away. "Clearly ..
"Keep you going to run away from me? Yes? I'm pregnant Star ... I'm pregnant .. "he said .. I stood still and silent saw her burst into tears.
"Do not come near you .. I know it's not my son .. you play with other men right .. !!" I burst into tears, Amelia also crying trying meyainkanku.
"This is your son ham ... since that night I was looking for you everywhere .. I just want you to know I'm no obstacle anymore. remember when we did we were not drunk ..? you promise we'll get married "he said digging the facts.
"You're the father of our son. Our children together .. "he continued again ..
"No ... I never have kids .. hiikkss hikkss .." I cried and felt that this was the worst day in my life history. I hope this is just a dream. But this is not a dream. This is reality. I fell in pain.
"Okay if you do not want to admit this your son .. somehow I will abort it. For your sake and for me. The good of the three of us. I will not ask for your property in exchange for my virginity. And I also will not ask for your money to pay for this abortion, but the one I ask for. Accompany me during this abortion process. I hope. Accompany me before I blow my last breath. "He spoke right in front of me and he passed by a blue cab. Do not know where. I ran .. ran and ran .. I ran and screamed loudly .. no matter the street looked at me I ran and finally I could not go anymore. I fell. I grabbed my guitar arm from my mother. Her face flashed, I miss mother. My smart brain is spinning, I'm stupid right now.
I walked back to my body to camp. there was no point running, in the middle of the trip I stopped right in front of the big mosque. As usual as someone leads me, I step inside. Taking water ablution and shalat isya. I cried for forgiveness to the Haliq. I read a few pieces of the Quran that had long been untouched by me. My heart starts to settle. My brain starts to cool. As God showed His ways. I remember when my mother died of miscarriage. I'm sad I do not want to lose my son. I do not want to. Actually I love Amelia, my first love. I intend to bring Amelia home tomorrow. Well tomorrow I'm going home.
Right then I went to Amelia's boarding house. From Bogor directly to Depok. Long congestion was my lunge. I'm waiting in front of the boardinghouse. I sent sms repeatedly to get him out but none of his reply, I tried to call his phone off. I went into the house and stood idly in front of his room. Bismilahirahmanisahimimim I opened the door, he slept in a blanket. I ventured in. When I put aside the blanket seen in his right hand he grasped the mini Qur'an. My heart rippled.
"Honey ... wake up .." my hand pushed back his hair. He narrowed his eyes and looked at me.
"Sorry to surprise you, here sat near papah .." I said as smooth as possible. He obeyed and sat next to me, his face very pale. My hand stroked Amelia's stomach the way my father did to my late mother while pregnant with Dion and my sister. Indeed, his stomach began to grow. I kissed her stomach and smiled at her.
"I love you mel .. I will not tell you to abort our baby .. we will get married .. we will be with selamnya .. I promise" I said.
"Is it true? Are we getting married ..? "
"Yaa .. tomorrow we go back to Banyuwangi, I will introduce you to my father and my sister, after that I will propose you .. and we get married .. but sorry I can not make a great party for you .." I say again while bowing his head. Like useless.
"I do not need a party party, the important thing we are legally married religiously is enough, I'm ready to convert" he said, his eyes sparkling. I look at it, there is sincerity.
"But you have to promise, accept me what adannya .. under any circumstances .. hard to be together together ... promise ..!" I extended my little finger and he too.
Early in the morning, the sun was not smiling. Amelia and I are already at the station. This is when we're going home. We carry a not so big backpack. Very long trip. Hours and more, like my future wife is not comfortable sitting in the car. Poor son. Several times I rubbed his stomach while saying "sabar ya sayang !!" Although not so big yet, my baby must be tired in the journey of the end of West Java to the end of East Java.
Arriving at Kalibaru Station we got off and stopped the bus. Finally the journey delivered to my house. Still the same as before. With great fear I knocked on the door and greeted a few times, the sound of the shower gebyuran behind the house, I knocked again Dion who opened. He hugged me full of longing.
I see my pictures are still in the living room. My multitalented photos. Even my cup is still in a neat rack, there are some new ones. I read it. Running contest and Regency level swimming competitions. Yes, it belongs to Dion. Certainly Dion is awaiting my arrival to show off her achievements.
"Great you now ... want to be an athlete huh?" I ruffled her hair. He smiled proudly. I introduced Amelia to her. My sister-in-law candidate, I whispered that I would be sleeping in her room for a few days, let Amelia sleep in my room.
"Where's Dad?" I asked.
"Still a mas bath .." he said. his face is very handsome. Like my pretty mother's face.
"Oh yes Amelia you sit here first yaa, I'm looking for my father first .." Amelia nodded. I told Dion to make some hot tea and accompany him up front.
I sat in a bamboo chair or commonly called "Lincak", I waited for my father out. When my father opened the door and saw me sitting on the lincak, my father ran up to me, hugged me longingly and even kissed my forehead. Oh glad to see my father who looks a little old. I asked her to sit down. He expressed his feelings about my leaving. He really missed me. But I can not linger to hide this. I went straight to Amelia, I want Dad to ask Amelia to her parents because .. because .. she has me pregnant.
"What's your star? During this time you make a proud father but ultimately you are pregnant child of a person .. what can you do? Hah? Lectures still ask parents. playful childhood, you think you have a nice house? "
"Sorry Bintang yah .. this is the only way, Bintang is willing to be responsible .. Bintang promise will be biyayai Bintang family own, Bintang please yah .. nikahkan Bintang with Amelia. Stars do not want Amel and my son to die like mothers "I cried as I kneeled at my father's feet. Prostrate and beg. Father stopped listening to my emphasis.
"Stars, dad dont think you like this ... dad really dont think"
"Sorry Bintang yah .. restui us. I promise to try to be a good head of household .. take care of my son and wife .. be a priest yahh hikks hikks hikk "
"Plakkkkkkk" dad slapped me, his voice sounded up to the living room. After that he hugged me. We cried together.
"Well let your father marry you, but remember after you marry father's duty is loose on you .." father looked at me. I nodded like a child.
The application was completed. My family came to Jember asking Amelia. After that the procession memuslimkan Amelia and lapse a week later Ijab Kabul in the nearest KUA. We were officially married. We went back to Depok. Starting day by day together one rent.
A few months, Amelia's stomach grows big .. I'm overwhelmed to earn money here and there, money for my college and college Amelia and the need for my baby candidate, every 07.00 to 13.00 I apprenticed at the health center back to the music studio to be a piano lesson teacher after that lecture and night went home accompanying wife. That's the case every day.
One day I heard from a friend that today there was a talent search audition by one of the private TV stations. I ran home to see my wife, asking for permission to him he blessed me, drove me to audition with his enlarged belly. I played my guitar and sang the song "Mom" Iwan Fals. The shadow of a mother's face crossed my eyes. And unexpectedly I escaped the audition right then and there. I'm in the selection from week to week. Until the end I am now a finalist and stand on this magnificent stage. All the cheering as the music stopped. "Thank you all," I said, glancing at my wife sitting at the front while holding Baby Tricia.
The stars shine again.