Here's a story I've seen play out on twitter a bunch of times: Ally - or someone who considers themselves an ally - is criticized by a member or members of the marginalized group they claim to be an ally of. They react badly. Things escalate. And then they say "I used to support women/poc/lgbtq+/whatever, but no more!"
To which I say... Dude (it's almost always a dude, though there has been the occasional white woman), if your support is conditional on getting cookies, you were never an ally.
Because here's the thing about allyship: It is the result of an awareness of injustice and marginalization and a commitment to help change those. It is not about never being criticized by members of any marginalized group.
It is not a shield. It is being a shield, because there are things you can do and say that members of the marginalized group would get a ton more crap for than you would.
Being a human means you will fuck up sometimes. We all do. And fucking up means you may get criticized. It is rarely an attack (though, as I said in previous posts, no community is devoid of assholes, and some will use their marginalization as a cudgel. It doesn't mean marginalized people are assholes, it means assholes are assholes, and some of them are members of marginalized groups). So before you get defensive and go down a bad path, consider what is being said to you. Consider that despite your best intentions, something you have said or done has hurt someone, because intent isn't magic.
Own your shit, apologize, and do better.
Related posts:
Feminism Sunday: It's Not About The Sisterhood
Allyship Sunday: Ally Is A Verb
Feminism Sunday: Splaining
Allyship Sunday: Stay In Your Lane
Feminism Sunday Redux
Feminism Sunday: Should It Continue?
Feminism Sunday: Feminists on the Blockchain
Feminism Sunday: Feminism 101, With GIFs!
On White Feminism
I Don't Want Ally Cookies
You Are Not An Alpha
Let's talk intersectionality
