Once your are in a mental blender that can't seem to be stopped, how do you do to come out of it... if there is no seemingly possible solutions but darkness and despair. The best direction I found for myself, if you are willing to explore the dark ally of your mind with last resort perspective... some chemical compound may be of help if you so choose. Research deeper about MDMA and some psycadelics, particularly Ayahuasca. Ayahuasca is the one that helped me... not from a religiouse perspective, but from a lets address trauma, from within.
Be safe. Research much. Live long.