Just admitting the truth, as it is. I am making this Sigil... that's the only thing I can do that I am aware of at the moment.
When faced with a confrontation, I either get mad or freeze. That's "fight or flight". I am an artist - so super right-brained. I have trauma-based mind control in my history from which I have recovered a LOT - but not to the extent that I can actually stand up against tyranny in the moment and stay collected and calm, with full access to my mind and heart. I get triggered, I am a little girl - either the bully... but most often, the bullied.
I talk a great game to other people about other people's cowardice. I almost feel like that's what I do on facebook - talk about other people's cowardice to make myself feel like I have courage - but I don't actually have it.
It became clear today. My best friend was going to stand up to a group of people that have been infiltrating our clan and violating our principles. He was going to speak up in front of everyone, the way they speak up in front of everyone. But the big guru guy of the group told him it was not a good idea and he believed him. He doesn't realize he is a coward unless he can use his fists, either, but that's for him to see.
Then it falls on my shoulders and I am like, NO WAY... I cannot do it.
It's group-thing. It's mind-control. And I am under it.