Harold and Maude is, hands down, my favorite movie. For a 1970's movie, it sure has a lot of anarchist principles (except for theft). In one scene, 79-year-old Maude enthusiastically talks about an umbrella she'd use in radical protests when she was younger.
Harold says, "You don't use the umbrella anymore. No more revolts?"
Maude replies with a smile:
"Oh yes! Everyday. But I don't need a defense anymore. I embrace. Still fighting for the big issues, but now in my small, individual way."
I've come to find that with anarchy comes two different stages of our own personal evolution. There may be more. I have yet to find out.
Stage 1
The first stage is when we learn the harsh truth of the nature of our government. This is the stage where we get angry and upset over what aweful practices government has done to humanity. We soak in all information we possibly can to get down to the bare naked truth. We fight. Some of us become public activists and others become activists against their friends and family. We protest, we yell, we shout, and we get angry because we believe that fighting on the outside will make those drastic changes we so desperately need to live in the utopian world we so desperately seek. The problem with the first stage, however, is that we tend to blame everything outside of us for the turmoil we feel on the inside.
Opening our eyes can be such a painful process. Learning that we have been programmed since childhood to proudly stand behind and support the same entity that is directly responsible for why we are programmed in the first place is a very challenging process, and the emotions that follow can cause a lot of turmoil within us. When I woke up, I got very depressed and angry. I fought with my co-workers, family and friends. I felt entitled to call people stupid (among other hurtful names) because their life path didn't align with mine. I made it a point to make sure everyone around me knew that all of these problems were caused by them (not me), because they just sat back and didn't care to research anything of importance. I created chaos in my reality in the airports, trying to make a point to make the TSA agent's life hell, only to create my own hell in the process.
I thought I was fighting for the important issues, but really when I look back on this time in my life, the only change I made was that I lost a lot of friends and entered the worst form of isolation. And my anger was directly responsible for that.
The first stage of anarchy, no matter how painful, is necessary and needed. Even though most of us will lose friends and look like we are insane, this is the stage that sparks a passionate flame inside that enables us to enter stage 2; what I believe is the most important stage.
Stage 2
In March 2017, I sat with Jeff Berwick and the medicine of San Pedro on the beach of Acapulco. I asked Jeff, "Do you think we'll ever live in a world without government?"
He said, "Yes. We are right now. Do you see government anywhere?" My eyes glanced over to the beach where no thing in that moment was disturbing his or my peace. We were truly living in a world without government. This was a pivotal point in the way I understood reality. And it changed my mind in such a way that my life instantly became more peaceful. But that was just the beginning.
I've spent nearly 4 months of my life sitting in isolation in the Amazon jungle, working with the medicine of Ayahuasca three to four times a week. Ayahuasca is a powerful tool to gain a better understanding of our subconscious mind and why we do the things we do, and why we act the way we act. I had a profound ceremony where I went so deep into myself that I truly believed, in the moment, that I was never coming back. It was one of those ceremonies where a mirror was placed in all directions, so no matter which way I turned, I could not escape the truth of myself. I saw behavior patterns which kept me in a cycle of pain. In my visions, there were locked cells in my subconscious mind, not unlike jail cells. And even though I held the key, I refused to open that door for myself.
And I was told in this moment, "Why do you choose to live in prison when the doors are wide open?"
The real dictator I needed to take down was actually within me this entire time.
I worked for 3 months to change certain behavioral traits of mine that were in no way serving me, like negative self-talk and self-discipline issues. The way I punished myself after I made mistakes was like an arrest. I'd arrest myself, throw myself in a mental prison, and lock away the key (with no rights to an attorney and no court date).
I believe now, that everything happening on the outside is actually happening within us too. Anything that makes us uncomfortable or angry (like government or personal relationships with ourselves and others) is a call for us to observe and listen to the thoughts and feelings happening within ourselves. Everything is a mirror.
I recently had an experience with a friend of mine. I saw her as not fully in her awareness. She, simultaneously had thoughts about how I was not fully in my awareness. When we sat down to talk about it, instead of blame each other and lash out in anger, we listened to one another and saw these traits within ourselves. It's a mirror.
Let's take a look at Trump haters. They believe he's fascist while at the same time protesting to have other people's rights taken away. We hate what we are.
The veil over the government and Hollywood is thinning, and the darker attributes are now in plain view. How does that apply to ourselves? Could it be that this is the time where we have the opportunity to look at the darker qualities within ourselves?
Of course, there are still people who choose turn the other cheek from the destructive tendencies of the higher powers, which could imply that the same people who choose to ignore these clearly evident and dark aspects will also choose to ignore their own shadow side. And when we don't take the time to observe our shadow side and work on ourselves, we see what we see in America today; a bunch of confused and frustrated individuals fighting to the bone to have individual rights taken away. Their inner tyrants work to push outward. That's why we are in the mess we are in.
To say that you don't have any issues to work through within ourselves is absolute denial. There are 7 billion patients in one asylum. There is a lot of pain and a lot of waking up to do. We need to take the time to be gentle to ourselves, because each and every one of us are the outcome of hundreds of years of programming, judgement and pain. Our DNA holds all of our ancestors' memories, and I think we are in the beginning stages of purging them out so we have the ability to start fresh. That's just a theory, but it resonates with me at this time.
Sitting with ourselves, observing and holding every emotion that visits is absolutely 100% necessary for the change we are truly seeking in the world. I don't think government is going to disappear because some delusional dude wants to ride in on his high horse and sign an executive peace of paper declaring we are all free. I can promise you that it won't make a difference, because the truth is that we are not free until first and foremost, we free our fucking selves. And that, my friends, is going to take time. Be patient with yourself and with others, and accept where they are on their soul journey. The longer we search for answers on the outside, the longer it will take to be free.
What happens when we find the keys to unlock ourselves from our own mental prison is beautiful. It helps us to stop any more programming coming from outside forces. When we learn about our own programming, our own triggers and listen to our inner child, we learn quickly how to detect the same kind of programming that others are still in the process of learning from.
Seek the answers within yourself to find the freedom you so desperately deserve. Be the change you want to see in the world. When we change the inside, the outside beautifully follows along.
