Ok, this is quite funny , especially if you have 'been there, done that' and you are able to discover how true this is for you. Next time make sure you make the changes that are necessary...
So here we go. The truth is, I am a sucker for cats. I guess it is most succinctly expressed in the statement that 'dogs have masters, cats have slaves'! Couldn't agree more.
In fact, I have to admit that probably one of my most unconditional love affairs I ever had was with Lulu, my exceptionally beautiful, affectionate, elegant cat. Lulu allowed very few people to touch her and I was one of chosen ones who could it. Needless to say what that did for my ego...
The Challenge
As long as Lulu was healthy we had a fabulous time. However then came a point where she needed some medicine and I had to administer giving her a pill. Now that was perhaps one of the more challenging periods in our relationship and a few of my cat loving slaves would agree...giving your cat a pill is a trip and usually a serious test of your relationship. In fact it can be a real personal growth experience.
So here is how you go about it ... if you dare:
1..Build rapport, speak to your cat nicely, with a calm tone. Cats have a sixth sense and pick up any suspicious vibes very quickly. So act normal.
Pick up the cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either
side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Got that? Easy for starters.
2.. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
3.. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process. Make sure you have no other urgent business to attend to. This could take a while.
4.. Retrieve cat from bedroom and throw away soggy pill.
5.. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to
back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten. Avoid eye contact with your cat to avoid anchoring unpleasant memories.
6.. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse in from garden. (The unsuspecting neighbour will do too.)
7.. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. ignore growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to
hold cat's head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously. Yes, you can do it, just don't look into each others eyes.
8.. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully
sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later. At least your home insurance may come handy now.
9.. Wrap cat in a large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with cat's head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of a drinking straw, force cat's mouth open with pencil and blow down straw. Continue to speak calmly and avoid looking into each others eyes.
10.. Check label to make sure pill is not harmful to humans, drink a beer to take away the taste. Apply Band-aid to spouse's
forearm and remove blood from the carpet with soap and water. This can become a deeply bonding experience between you.
11.. Retrieve cat from neighbour's shed. Get another pill.
Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck, so as to leave the head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.
12.. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply
cold compress to cheek and check date of last tetanus jab. Apply whisky compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another
shot. Throw tee-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.
13.. Ring fire brigade to retrieve the fucking cat from tree across the road. Apologise to neighbour who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap. Keep breathing calmly.
14.. Tie the little bastard's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of the dining table. Find heavy
pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertical and pour 2 pints of water down cat's throat to wash down pill. Avoid eye contact with your cat.
14.. Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the A&E, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill from your eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order a new table.
15.. Arrange for RSPCA to collect the mutant cat from hell and ring local pet shop to see whether they have any hamsters.
How to give a dog a pill????
- Wrap it in bacon.
All images by Pixabay...Thank you !!!