Since losing my father earlier this year, I knew I had to get out to Joshua Tree on my own to reflect on my purpose and direction in this life. My ancestors were accustomed to seeking direction and purpose from dreams and visions. One of the ways this was done was to retreat somewhere alone while fasting and praying to the Creator for guidance. I believe these methods are just as viable today as they were when we were first brought here by the Creator. The following is a transcription of my hand-written notes during my trip.
6/9/17 I finally got out to Joshua Tree on my own. I drove out Friday morning and arrived shortly after noon. I came to pray, reflect, meditate and learn more from the Creator. I wanted to become strong and clear on the proper way of living; spiritually, physically, emotionally, mentally. Friday was good because I needed a physical challenge and some time to just do things like setting up camp. It was very hot and very windy while setting up and that made it harder than usual. This helped me to acclimate to being closer to Creation. Also, I didn’t bring much food on purpose, but now I had less. I brought 2 GoFood packets, but one tasted really bitter so I chucked it. The potato chowder and corn chips I brought would have to last the stay. After eating I felt strong and wanted to go for a hike. I explored the rocks around Hidden Valley campground. I wanted to find a high spot on the local rocks to watch the sunset. I brought my sage to smudge and pray in each of the Four Directions as Grandfather sun dipped below the horizon.
I took off my shoes and hiked through the flat part of the desert to find an outcropping of rocks on which to sit and pray as the sun set. It felt great to be back and to really feel the land beneath me, but I still felt too distracted and that I was “not enough here”. But if I’ve learned anything, I’ve learned that when you’re not ‘feeling it’ you pray that much harder. The view was gorgeous and the weather was ideal. I had some quiet time and my surroundings began to speak more than when I first arrived. The colors became more vivid and the breeze became more like a voice than wind.
Connecting with Aki
Prayers at Sunset
On the way back to camp I watched a family of four ravens. When I got to the campground, I was greeted by Coyote. He trotted across the road and stood there for a while. He then did a marvelous vocalization for me. Just a few days prior, I was lamenting that I had never seen a coyote up close only having heard and seen them from quite a distance. So there he was to give me this honor.
I had dinner and hot chocolate by the fire. Grandmother moon came out showing her full face just after sundown. I marveled at the stars and expanse of the sky. I slept very well. I had strange dreams about Comic-Con and my work. My dream life has been too hard to comprehend lately. I used to have so many dreams as a young person, but once I started college and began working hard, my dreams stopped altogether. It’s only been the last couple of years that I’ve tried to revive my dream life. So, for now, I’ll just leave it be for what it is and let it come back in its time.
Full Moon, Michaabikizi
6/10/17 Saturday morning I awoke with a good greeting from Raven. Yesterday there was a bad sign from buzzards across the valley so it’s not all good signs out there. I’m glad they were far off and not hovering over my camp. It was a calm and beautiful morning so I decided to read the Mishomis book with my morning Tazza di Vita coffee. I was re-reading the teaching about the “Seven Grandfathers and the Little Boy”. This story explains the origin of the Seven Sacred Teachings of the Anishinaabe.
TRUTH ~ HUMILITY ~ WISDOM ~ HONESTY ~ LOVE ~ RESPECT ~ COURAGE
As I was meditating on these 7 sacred teachings, I looked to the sky just as 7 songbirds glided by me. The wind was such that they could go by me more slowly and obviously. Miigwech to Gitchi Manido for continuing to confirm his presence and love for those who seek his truths.
6/11/17 I have a morning routine that works for me and it includes taking time to wake up with my herbal coffee. It was extremely WINDY last night and I didn’t sleep as well as the night before. As I enjoyed the morning sun, I reflected on yesterday’s hike. The gekek (hawk) experience really stood out:
I had hiked midway through the 10 mile Stubbe Loop trail. I had just passed through a valley that had been recently destroyed by wildfire and I was feeling the sadness and oppressive energy from it all. My mind began thinking about how exciting it would be to see a rattlesnake and the danger that would come with it. I glanced to my right and saw a shadow pass by so I looked up to see a beautiful white and black hawk soaring over me. She circled right above me and between me and the sun. There were no sounds and no wind, just heat and this amazing creature above me. I craned my neck as I gazed nearly straight up. I soon became dizzy doing this so I glanced away for just a few seconds... when I looked back up she had disappeared. The sky was blue and clear and the nearest peak on the horizon was pretty far from straight up. It was as if she circled right into the sun. Was this a sign? A vision? Was there meaning? While traveling, hawks can be messengers of danger up ahead and to be careful.
The beauty and mystical elements of it all made it hard not to look for meaning in this. I have been aware of birds for as long as I can remember even as a young child. When my parents would take me on long road trips I remember seeing hawks and eagles and they were my friends along the way. Even after we returned home I would dream about them and they were there for me. It really doesn’t matter where I go, but I’m always aware of the presence of the birds around me. Recently I’ve become interested in what signs and messages these birds have to offer us. So I couldn’t get this hawk out of my mind for the next few miles of my hike. When I reached Fan Canyon view, I could see the city way down in the valley and all of a sudden my phone starting going crazy with updates. I was obviously just in view of a cell tower and the hustle and bustle I was wanting a break from was thrown back into my face... I became distracted and torn. I answered a few texts and comments and tried to see some status updates. I decided to have a light lunch and then get back to the trail. But where was it? Yep, I had lost track of how I got to the ridge and became very concerned about having to strike out through the desert without a path to follow. I don’t want to make too much of this, but I really was in a dangerous situation. I only had so much water with me and there was nobody on this trail on this hot day and if I got lost it would not be good. So I calmed down and carefully rethought my steps and found the path once more.
Once I got back on track I decided to make a video record of my hawk experience:
My takeaway from this experience is it is a good reminder that the hectic nature of my city life can lead me astray from my true path. I’ve been taught for years the importance of prayer and not letting the material world consume you. But to actually carry this out and avoid this trap is not easy and how many of us take the time and effort? I was feeling incredibly connected to what is true and what is real while hiking and as soon as I got to that ridge and my tech started calling me away, I literally lost the path I needed to get back safely to camp. Gekek was there to warn me of the danger both in that desert on that day and in my daily life as I navigate the desolation that is corporate America.
I saw so many wonderful creatures: coyote, raven, quail, lizards, ground squirrels, gray squirrels, various small birds, falcon catching afternoon meal, hummingbirds, hawk, large black ants, large red ants, large half black half red ants, bird size moths and a large black beetle with black and white striped antenna.
Before going on this trip I told a few people that I would make a Medicine Wheel while camping. I thought about how best to do it for days. After packing up all my stuff on Sunday morning, I wanted to take some time to pull it together.
Medicine Wheel by Bugs
“The Medicine Wheel is the representation of all things connected within the circle of life. It is told that there are over 100 relevant traditional teachings given of the Medicine Wheel. Each teaching holds its own meaning and purpose. The Medicine Wheel usually focuses on the significance of the numbers 4 and 7. Commonly the medicine Wheel teaches 7 aspects within each of the 4 quadrants that represent life in in specific stages; The four directions, the four elements of life, the four medicines, the four seasons, the four states of well being, the four colours of man and four stages of life.” http://ojibweresources.weebly.com/medicine-wheel.html
Since meaning is associated with 4 and 7, I made sure that there were 7 steps from the center to each of the 4 sacred directions and around the circumference. I found rocks to represent the four sacred colors; yellow, red, black and white. I mentioned before how I’ve always had a special connection with birds and after reflecting more on the number 4 I recalled the family of four ravens I watched first day I arrived. There were two mature ones and two young ones. The two parents flew away first and over to a Joshua Tree a distance away. They were followed shortly after by one of the young ones, but the last one was much smaller and it waited for quite some time before joining the rest of them. I drew meaning from these birds as it relates to the four aspects of my being, spiritual, mental, physical and emotional. The first 2 ravens represent my spiritual and mental health which I feel are okay, the 3rd is my physical which could use a bit of work, and the 4th my emotional which is my biggest challenge.
I returned with:
Stay connected with the Creator and the Son
Honor those who came before
Each day work to avoid negative influence
Do what is right and the bad feelings fade and the happiness comes
Honor the love of your life, Wella, and your dearest daughter, Kianna
Work hard for your living and be content with providing for your loved ones
...and know that these are key to Mino-bimaadiziwin, Good Life
Bugs Mitchell