Welcome to Beastly Tales. Each has a message, a moral. All are meant to have an element of humour. Naturally, any names included do not depict real folk but are included as part of the joke.

All rights reserved.
(As with Beastly Banter Beastly Tales is written and illustrated by Richard Hersel.)

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Richard Hersel

A SQUARE TO SPARE

Alvin Arkwright worked for a company, ACME TIMEBOMBS it was called.
Conditions for workers, the type that appalled.
Alvin one morning, the call of nature, was felt,
So he raced to the toilets, undoing his belt.
Just in time, he took up his throne,
Then, realizing that the roll was empty, he gave out a groan.
There was no sanitary paper, it all became clear.
What to do? It was his worst fear!
He sat and he thought, a solution he sought.
So he dismally sat there, and thought and he thought.

Just then, he heard the toilet door open,
A solution at last, just as he was so hoping.
Someone occupied the next door cubicle with haste,
Thought Alvin, “At last, with company I’m graced.”
“Hello, next door, sanitary paper I have nought!”
“Where there should be a roll, I have nought as I ought.”
“On your generous spirit, I now do depend,”
“Please pass me some paper, so I can clean up my end.”
That person, occupying the cubicle next door,
Responded loudly, through the gap between partition and floor.
“I don’t know who you are in there,”
“But I will tell you, I’ve not a square to spare!”

Here was Alvin, locked in the lavatory,
If he found no solution, he could be still there on Saturday.
All he had done was the usual caper,
But then had found himself bereft of Sanitary paper!
“Kind Sir,” Alvin did desperately plead,
“Please do not deny me, in my hour of need!”
“All I ask for is a square, or two,”
“In order that I might clean up some poo!”
“So sorry,” came the uncaring reply,
“All the paper is gone, can’t tell you why!”