Welcome to Beastly Tales. Each has a message, a moral. All are meant to have an element of humour. Naturally, any names included do not depict real folk but are included as part of the joke.

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(As with Beastly Banter Beastly Tales is written and illustrated by Richard Hersel.)

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Richard Hersel

A WREATH TOO FAR

Frau Lumpf addressed Herr Lumpf in a manner severe.
She was most tired of Herr Lumpf’s grunts and burps of beer.
“For somevun who vanted nine kinder, no less,”
“You haff left our luff life in a bit of a mess!”
“So, now we haff some sort of estrangement,”
“I haff decided to take up flower arrangement.”
“You too, should enrol in night school.”
“You could learn not to be such a fool!”
“You should take up a speech improvement class.”
“And learn how not to be just a grunting ass!”
Herr Lumpf stared at his Frau, quite amazed,
She looked wild eyed, and a little crazed!

“Frau Lumpf, you are exceeding at your station in life!”
“I, Herr Lumpf, vant an obedient, caring vife.”
“Vot kind of flower arranging do you intend to pursue?”
“ANY kind of flower arranging is not vot I do.”
“Japanese, French, or the kind I like best,”
“Catering to the note, No Flowers By Request!”
At this clever remark, Herr Lumpf grunted and snickered,
Pleased at this victory, as he and Frau Lumpf bickered.
“I vill be learnink to make vreaths viv vinter Jasmine, vitch Hazel and voodbine too,”
“I vill happily make a funeral vreath for you!”
Herr Lumpf grunted, and lowered his head.
Surely Frau Lumpf did not want him dead?