Welcome to Beastly Tales. Each has a message, a moral. All are meant to have an element of humour. Naturally, any names included do not depict real folk but are included as part of the joke.

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(As with Beastly Banter Beastly Tales is written and illustrated by Richard Hersel.)

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Richard Hersel

BEASTLY TALES

AT LOGGERHEADS

They harangued one another, cheek by jowl,
Using language both vulgar and foul,
“How dare you, sir, suggest such a thing!”
“Stand back, I’m about to swing!”
“Yes, a haymaker, to your ugly head!”
“Fail to step back, and you could be dead.”

Those two gentlemen now in question,
Were dyspeptic, had constant indigestion.
Whilst this did not improve their frame of mind,
It, still, was not what put them in such a bind.
That is to say, to result in dysfunction,
Seemingly with no redemption or soothing unction.
They continued at loggerheads, always bumptious.
If only they would soften their attitude, from grating to sumptuous.

The first old gent was Nickerby Grime,
He was cranky most of the time.
His antagonist was Sir Wallace Trumble,
He was, by nature, a complete scumball.
Indeed, now we have a picture of these partners in crime,
Each, in his own manner, serving his time.
The matter that had resulted in their current dispute,
Was that Grime had called the other, an incontinent brute.
Trumble responded, “I am what I am, and I ain’t what I ain’t!”
“An incontinent person, I’m not. Lacking restraint!”
It seemed that such a scurrilous statement had cut to the quick.
Enough to cause nausea, making Grime sick.

“Take that back, you ignorant worm!”
“Or you’ll feel the might of my fist, to make you squirm!”
Trumble had no intention of so doing,
Seemed that gent liked the course he was pursuing.
Now, as each of them was a regular fool,
They decided to, simultaneously, challenge the other to a duel!”
But, because of such a simultaneous action,
They both had choice of weapons, a multi-choice transaction.
Trumble chose hatchets, to be thrown at speed.
Grime preferred running shoes, of which he felt the need!