Welcome to Beastly Tales. Each has a message, a moral. All are meant to have an element of humour. Naturally, any names included do not depict real folk but are included as part of the joke.

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(As with Beastly Banter Beastly Tales is written and illustrated by Richard Hersel.)

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Richard Hersel

BODILY ODOUR

Herbet Stinker refused to take ablutions,
In any sort of hydrogen dioxide solutions.
The only thing he had to do with soap,
Was to play word games, it rhymed with “dope”.
He was determined soap, not to grope,
He’d never be a soap on a rope dope!
He shunned any type of deoderizer,
Preferring to stink, and none would be the wiser,
His foul bodily odour, they knew so well.
It was a smell straight from hell!
He would not countenance “eau-de-cologne”.
In liquid or spray form, it was quite unknown.

He eschewed any type of bodily wash,
As to his clothes, in like manner, laundry was kybosh!
Stinker was emitting a foul and unpleasant sweat drench!
Others he’d drive out with his suffocating stench.
Bodily odour along with bacteria swarm,
Got even worse, when the weather was warm.
“Have you ever tried talcum powder, it’s quite fresh smelling?”
So asked an acquaintance, who was not so far away dwelling.
People used to call it “Pommie Wash”
It functioned well for years, bodily odours to quash.
In early days British people were loathe to bathe,
As they didn’t have access to plumbing they’d crave.
Another said, “Perhaps we could throw him form London Bridge,”
“Preferably tied to a discarded fridge!”
“No, the Thames is quite polluted enough,”
Came a rejoiner in a voice most gruff.

Perhaps a bouquet, a pretty nose-gay,
Could provide relief, keep the stench at bay.
That stultifying, cloying stench,
That makes one’s eyes water and teeth clench!
And permeates any fabric or cloth,
Reminiscent of a 3rd century Goth!