BEASTLY TALES

Drink in Moderation

Lift your spirits, raise your glasses
Take a moment, sadness passes
If your innards feel not so fine
Try taking some nice red wine.
Try coca-cola and a tot of rum,
If you're feeling at all glum,
Have a snort to ease the pain
Soon you’ll feel right as rain.
Find fortitude for any task
When you have full hip flask.
Let’s not forget beer and ale
Delicious beverage; enjoyed by the pail
But moderation is the key,
To enjoy your hospitality.

Philbert, now, was a bit of a clod,
Especially being a drunken sod
He liked to dance in a local pub
While standing in a washing tub
Then, receiving the Landlord’s rebuke,
He’d turn aside and start to puke.
Out from the pub he’d quickly shoot,
Followed by the Landlord’s boot.

Another example of foolish excess
Involved the Earl of Putney in his address
To the House of Lords one fine day,
Addressing the house to have his say
He discovered he was lost for words
(Which is unusual in the House of Lords)
Due to a lengthy business luncheon
Which ended when a copper used his truncheon
They had drunk about a quart of champagne
When one of them called him a rather rude name
“You can’t say that!” he expostulated
But the Earl babbled on, clearly elated,
“I can say whatever, wherever I go,”
“I am, after all, a Lord don’t you know?”
Now, all the excitement and champers he’d had,
Naturally made him feel rather bad
The resultant fumbling at the Speaker’s stand
Meant that his speech was far from grand.
Do you think his career could afford
To be so exposed as “Drunk as a Lord!”