Are you going to the wedding of your friend?
“Weddings, weddings, there seems to be no end.”
“He never gave me a gift or came to mine.”
“Why should I go to his, if he couldn’t find time,”
“To get off his butt, and come to mine.”
“But he wasn’t even born, when you married.”
“It is not as though he held back, or tarried.”

“What happens if I give them a gift,”
“And, as often occurs, they have a rift.”
“They decide to split up, to end it all,”
“Do I get my gift back? It does so appal.”
“As I never got a gift earlier from them,”
From what source of generosity does this gift stem?”
“We have a most small number of kids,”
“If they have lots more, it’ll cost me quids.”
“Every occasion it’s the custom to exchange gifts,”
“They may well benefit tenfold, if there are no rifts.”
“Those two are the sort that will breed like flies,”
“They’ll produce a family of astounding size.”
“And then, when they reach marrying age,”
“It’ll all start again, as it’s all the rage!”

Yes, love and marriage,
Go together like a horse and carriage.
You can’t have one without the other.
If doubting, go and ask your mother.
“If you give a speech at the reception,”
“Try to keep it light, and with no deception.”
“You know I detest public speaking all right.”
“Especially during the day, but also at night.”
“And as to the matter of giving gifts,”
“Here is a strategy that my spirit lifts.”
“Should we go to the wedding we’ll go to the gift table”
“And substitute our card, create a fable,”
“That we have provided the most expensive gift.”
“So that, in our favour, public opinion will shift.”

“You know, your friend might ask you to be Best Man!”
“An appalling idea, so that idea he should can.”
“I, Percy Pennypincher, do make due declaration,”
“There should no longer be large weddings in this nation!”
“Attendance should be limited to the Bride and Groom,”
“Plus marriage celebrant, if there is room!”
“All other attendees should be via video-link.”
“For refreshments, they can stay at home and drink!”