Welcome to Beastly Tales. Each has a message, a moral. All are meant to have an element of humour. Naturally, any names included do not depict real folk but are included as part of the joke.

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(As with Beastly Banter Beastly Tales is written and illustrated by Richard Hersel.)

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Richard Hersel

THE BRITISH JOB

“Well,” said Eggbert, “You could ‘a knocked me for a six.”
“As bloomin’ usual, up to ‘is ol’ tricks.”
“A-theivin’ and a-whorin’, smashin’ shop windows with bricks”
“Smash an’ grab tactics, a little every day”
“Got to know what you’re doin’ everythin’ “au fait.”

Now, to whom was Eggbert referring?
Who was this scandalous person, everyday erring?
His name was a secret, though he acted like a pig.
He was only ever referred to as “Mr Big!”
“Mr. Big the crime boss, always on the go.”
“Wot Mr. Big did not know of crime, no-one else did know!”

“SECURAVAN’S takin’ a million quid to a Scottish Bank.”
“We’s gonna relieve ‘em of their load, for which they will duly thank.”
“They got insurance, as you all will know.”
“So’s we gets a million quid, while the van is drivin’ slow!”
“We will have ourselves a hi-jack, it’s best, don’t you know?”
“A million quid’s the goin’ rate, helps improve our cash-flow.”
“Now, please don’t think of me, as just a lazy slob,”
“But to access that van’s interior, we’ll, need to arrange an inside job.”
“We’ll bribe the SECURAVAN'S duty crew,”
“It’s the only way, our thievin’ job, we’ll be able to do!”
And so, they did all this, and so much more besides.
Was it all enough to support their “bonafides”?