Welcome to Beastly Tales. Each has a message, a moral. All are meant to have an element of humour. Naturally, any names included do not depict real folk but are included as part of the joke.

All rights reserved.
(As with Beastly Banter Beastly Tales is written and illustrated by Richard Hersel.)

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Richard Hersel

THE BUCCANEER

When some of them were practically young,
From the yardarm they were hung.
Hung by the neck, until quite dead,
Yes, this was the biggest buccaneer dread,
They would gamely battle with cutlass and pistol,
In fact, with all sorts of weapons they’d bristle,
But they were in process of stealing someone’s ship,
As, on the waves, it did roll and dip.
As well as the ship there was booty and gold,
With such an agenda they’d be lucky to grow old.
And when they had pillaged and plundered,
To hide away island, the buccaneers blundered.
There, in a climate unbearably hot,
They’d bury their treasure. X marks the spot.
You may indeed wonder why they didn’t use a bank,
And here we must be brutally frank,
Although they had pillaged money and gem,
They didn’t want a Bank to pillage them.
For banks, although not technically,
Are actually freebooters to you and me.
They take from the poor and give to the rich,
By unreasonably increasing the interest rate pitch,
For those who borrow from them, or much worse
If you invest your doubloons it goes in reverse.

But enough of Buccaneer banking dilemmas,
Enough to give one delirium tremens.
So what other aspects of life, piratically speaking,
Are there beyond pillage or treasure seeking?
They were given to force others to walk the plank,
Which causes us to again use the rhyming word bank,
Of course unreasonable that would not be,
For Banks, whilst they don’t necessarily go to sea,
Do tend to be robbers of any they survey
Even charging fees to dead people with out delay.
Although the facts were attempted to be smothered
This terrible fact was recently uncovered,
In a banking practice Commission of Enquiry
That is under way in Australia, without expiry.
Now, back to pirate plunder, on the high seas.
The thought of it contributing to shaking of knees.
Captain Kidd was a buccaneer of some renown,
Enjoying a visit to Port Royale, a pirate town.
But one had to keep clear of the Royal Navy,
Who wouldn’t believe if you were just bootlegging tea.
They were prone to saying, “Oh, what the heck!”
“We might just as well stretch his neck.”

The Jolly Roger was the pirate flag of choice,
Announcing piratical attack in a black and white voice,
“Heave to, and surrender!” was their cry,
“Or stand to and fight, when you’ll surely die!”
A Freebooter, A Buccaneer, A Pirate are all much the same.
They collectively all developed a terrible name.
Captain Morgan was a Caribbean Pirate,
Known to be bold and somewhat irate.
He seemed to be on good terms with the King,
Because, in later life, he did the Governor General thing.
In Jamaica that apparently was.
Now for a Pirate to be a G.G just because,
He was acquainted with England’s King,
Seemed to be a rather far fetched thing.
Until you recall, he shared his pirate booty,
Recognising such as his kingly duty.