Welcome to Beastly Tales. Each has a message, a moral. All are meant to have an element of humour. Naturally, any names included do not depict real folk but are included as part of the joke.

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(As with Beastly Banter Beastly Tales is written and illustrated by Richard Hersel.)

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Richard Hersel

THE BUSY BODY

The loquacious Audrey Joan McPherson,
Was known to be a meddlesome person,
Always busying herself unduly,
Interfering in a manner unruly,
In others’ legitimate pursuits,
Be they pleasant or real brutes.
She just had to be involved in village life,
Especially if there was any trouble or strife.
She would join associations and many clubs,
She would spend quality time in Pubs,
To supply source of gossip both small and large,
These were her networks of espionage.

She would travel into town in a car pool,
And gossip and chat all the way, like Miss Marple,
(Who was another busy body of renown).
Until they, at last, reached the centre of town.
There she would tag along with whoever would let her,
No longer would this be possible, as they got to know her better
Always trolling and trawling in a manner appalling,
For information about all those,
Living right under her very nose.

Enter now the illustrious Ignatius Rose,
He was her gentleman friend, she did presuppose,
Ignatius was a member of the club for bowling,
On tournament day, he was in his whites, strolling.
After the match he sat down for tea.
Who, then, should come along but our Audrey.
She was so excited, fit to bust!
Ignatius must be now informed of her disgust,
With allegations concerning the village vicar,
That noble old gentleman with the dicky ticker.
He had been observed at the green, watching cricket.
Appearing to be following a sticky wicket.
For in the recliner next to his,
Was Daisy Delectable, drinking a gin fizz.
How could a man of such erudite propriety,
Be seen in a compromising position in society,
Having, what appeared to be, jolly good fun.
Of this sort of thing, stalwarts should have none!

So she determined to write to the Bishop,
She had some paper she’d got from the fish shop.
When she had purchased a pound of flake
The paper was just paper for goodness sake.
The paper was white and looked rather clean,
But had a fishy smell, you could tell where it had been.
Fortunately, before it reached the Bishops eyes,
It had attracted hundreds and hundreds of flies.
Attracted by the fish impregnated writing paper,
The postman sniffed, thinking it all a strange caper,
Without hesitation he chucked it in the bin.
Not, for a moment, realizing what a sin.
It was to have purloined a Bishops letter,
Had he given it more thought he would have acted better.
And all of this because of Miss McPherson,
A truly tiresome, Busy Body person.