Welcome to Beastly Tales. Each has a message, a moral. All are meant to have an element of humour. Naturally, any names included do not depict real folk but are included as part of the joke.
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(As with Beastly Banter Beastly Tales is written and illustrated by Richard Hersel.)
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Richard Hersel
BEASTLY TALES
THE CLOWN
You are sure to have many ups and downs,
Should you join a union of clowns.
There are many applications of their skill,
Circuses, sideshows or a movie bill.
Private parties or busking in street
With round red nose and very large feet.
Frilly collar and polka dot blouse,
Frizzy black hair and bushy eyebrows.
The clown is, as the name does imply,
A Joker, a Jester, a stand-up guy.
Lester the Jester was of that sort,
Given to playing much clownish sport.
He’d run furiously after the ball,
Tripping in huge shoes, the largest of all.
And after a glass, or three, of wine,
He’d delight in performing pantomine.
Because of his predilection to drinking wine,
His nose was naturally red, which was just fine.
He rarely wore the rest of the clown kit,
Not because it would not have fit,
But because people identified him as a clown,
By his daily life actions all over town.
He would go to an interview for a new job,
Looking very sloppy, an inveterate slob.
With matters he should be taking seriously,
He would readily start laughing deliriously.
Whether serious or in great jest,
Lester was more than a bit of a pest.
One day a policeman he did spy,
So with a loud, resounding cry,
He alerted the copper to his plight,
“We have to run with all our might”,
“There is a lion escaped from the zoo”,
“And he is looking for someone on whom to chew!”
The copper said, “Where has he been seen?”
Lester replied, “Over there, can’t you see him, old bean?”
Lester said, “He’s coming for you, you look delicious”.
The copper now became somewhat suspicious.
Said the copper, “You don’t look right in the head.”
“But I’m a clown, a jester,” Lester said.
Very soon Lester was arrested.
“But I’m innocent”. Lester loudly jested.
“You joke about your innocence”,
“You clearly have no common sense”.
So to a magistrate he was sent,
This magistrate was an angry gent.
Not given to seeing the funny side,
He would sooner moan, grumble and chide,
Lester pointedly said to the magistrate,
“You look queer, or is it something you ate?”
“You look like you swallowed a rat”,
“Is that the reason you’re so fat?”
“And while I’m on the subject of looks”,
“I’m sure you’re worse than most of the crooks”,
“You must have happily sent to jail”,
“With no appeal and without any bail”.
“You look like a most dishonest beak”,
“Your big nose I would like to tweak”.
“You try to make a big thing of a trivial matter”,
“You’ve exaggerated my peccadillo with all your chatter”.
The magistrate looked at Lester, aghast!
“We can, indeed, attend to you, very fast”.
“Maximum time we will dish out”,
“To such an irreconcilable lout!”
“About your sentence we won’t joke”,
“You can be locked up like a pig in a poke!”
